IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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There is a controversial debate that many individuals suggest governments need to concentrate more on limiting the pollution of the environment and accommodation issues to prevent people from illness and disease. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
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 point of view and will give a clear clarification in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, governments should take action to reduce the amount of pollutants released could enhance the sustainable
health
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 of individuals. There has been a significant increase in pollution levels in rural
as well as
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 urban areas in recent years. More and more industrial complexities or sites are being built, which releases huge amounts of toxic gases into the atmosphere.
As a result
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, people nowadays suffer from various
health
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 concerns
such
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 as lung cancer or other respiratory diseases. The government could raise fuel prices meaning that commuting costs would rapidly climb, which might lead to the replacement of public transport, carpooling or cycling to work.
Hence
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,
this
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also
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 helps reduce the amount of exhaust fumes emitted to the environment. Another point that should be considered is to elaborate on how poor housing conditions (overcrowding, inadequate sanitation, lack of clean water) can lead to communicable diseases and affect mental
health
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. Poor living conditions can result in serious
health
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 problems
as a consequence
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 of the limitation of urban space. When everyone is fully aware of
this
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, they will be willing to take action to tackle environmental pollution and other housing issues to protect our
health
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. In conclusion,
although
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 governments should take action in order to prevent individuals from illness by implementing stricter regulations and upgrading the facilities of accommodation, it is
also
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 crucial to increase public awareness about protecting their
health
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.

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Structure
Ensure a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and effectiveness.
Vocabulary
Use a range of vocabulary to precisely express your ideas and arguments. Avoid repetition where possible.
Content
Consider including more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments, further strengthening your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, effectively outlining your stance on the issue.
Organization
You have effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your initial standpoint and suggesting a broader significance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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