IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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Illnesses relating to external impacts have always been a problematic issue. To alleviate
this
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, some people suggest tackling housing problems and reducing pollution in the environment. In
this
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 essay, I strongly believe that these are the most effective solutions and can benefit citizens in the long run.
To begin
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 with, it is crucial to recognize that environmental pollution affects human beings detrimentally. To illustrate, most of the food we consume every day is grown on the land, and we need air to breathe and function our bodies. If the quality of the air and the soil continue to worsen, it can lead to severe diseases
such
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 as lung cancer or intestine issues.
Therefore
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, the authorities should take action to mitigate polluted areas in order to boost the quality of inhabitants’ lives. Another factor
that is
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 worth to be considered is housing problems. Sanitary systems or water resources should be improved to benefit local inhabitants in the long term.
This
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 is because humans need
drink
Fix the infinitive
to drink
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 to survive
as well as
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washing
Replace the word
wash
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 and
cooking
Wrong verb form
cook
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 every day. If there were not any pure water supplies, people would not have a good health status. Those who live in slums or places that lack
freshwaterwater
Correct your spelling
freshwater water
 sources
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 are seen to be more likely to suffer from diseases and other health problems.
To sum up
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, sanitary downsides, including pollution and rain supply, are proven to be the most profound factors that affect individuals’ health status.
Hence
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, governments should pay more attention to reducing environmentally polluted areas and offering fresh water to enhance life’s condition as soon as possible.

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a clear position throughout. To enhance task achievement, ensure that each paragraph introduces specific, real-world examples to support your arguments more vividly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas more smoothly and enhance coherence. While your essay is well-structured, incorporating varied connectors can enrich text flow.
Logical Structure
You've done a commendable job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Introduction and Conclusion
You've successfully introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear overview of your stance and summarizing your main arguments effectively.
Supported Main Points
Your essay contains well-supported main points. For even greater impact, consider incorporating more detailed examples and evidence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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