There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, young individuals are subjected to immense pressure to excel in academic pursuits.
This
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prevailing situation prompted some advocates to propose the elimination of non-academic courses ,
such
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as physical education and culinary arts , from the curriculum, thereby allowing
students
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to focus more intently on
the
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apply
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scholarly activities.I contend that
this
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perspective is fundamentally flawed, as non-academic
subjects
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play a crucial role in fostering well-rounded development and essential life
skills
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.
This
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essay will provide evidence to support my opinion.
Firstly
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, removing non-academic
subjects
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can severely hinder the holistic development of
students
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.
Subjects
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such
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as physical education foster not only physical fitness but
also
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vital life
skills
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like teamwork,discipline and resilience.
For instance
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, encouraging young people in physical sports can teach them how to work collaboratively towards common goals and how to manage both victory and defeat gracefully.
Additionally
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,overemphasis on academic
subjects
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can lead to detrimental mental health. The relentless pursuit of excellence in academics can exacerbate anxiety and depression among
students
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. An illustration of
this
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can be seen in the increasing reports of burnout among high school
students
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, who feel overwhelmed
due to
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the incessant demands of their academic syllabus.By maintaining a curriculum containing non-academic
subjects
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, schools can provide the
students
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with necessary respite from academic pressure
while
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simultaneously nurturing creativity and critical thinking
skills
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.
On the contrary
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, the proponents of removing non-academic
subjects
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argue that the competitive job market necessitates a stringent focus on academics.
However
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,
this
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argument overlooks the fact that most employers seek candidates who possess a diverse skill set rather than solely academic qualifications.Transferable
skills
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gained from non-academic
subjects
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such
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as leadership, adaptability, and emotional intelligence are increasingly valued in the workplace.
Thus
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, integrating these
subjects
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in the curriculum equips the
students
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to succeed not only in their academic endeavours but
also
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in their future professional lives . In conclusion,
while
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the pressure to achieve academically is indeed daunting for today's youths. The solution is not to diminish the importance of non-academic
subjects
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.Rather , a balance between both academic and non-academic disciplines is essential for fostering well-rounded individuals prepared to navigate a complex world.

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task
Make your reply more tight. Begin with your clear view in the first paragraph and keep each paragraph to one main idea with a strong link to what you just said.
coherence
Improve flow. Use clear sign words to move from one idea to the next, like therefore, however, for example, in addition.
grammar
Fix form. Shorten long sentences and check for small mistakes in spelling and space after commas.
examples
Add more strong, exact examples. Use real life or school scenes that show the point.
structure
Make the plan of your essay in your mind first. Use a clean order: intro, view, reason 1, reason 2, counter, conclusion.
content
Clear stance against the idea.
structure
Good opening that shows the topic.
content
Some strong ideas about the good side of non academic subjects.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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