Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, numerous countries have increased longevity, leading to a
population
of larger people. While
some argue that an ageing population
poses difficulties for the government, others believe it brings a host of social benefits
. Although
the older generation may impose a burden on healthcare systems, this
essay contends that despite the obstacles, the societal benefits
including experience
and economic contribution far outweigh the drawbacks.
The first compelling advantage of an ageing population
is the wisdom and experience
they bring to society. Older individuals are invaluable resources for the younger generation as they possess a lifetime of knowledge. They have a deep understanding of cultural practices, historical events and traditional values that can preserve the nation’s heritage. For instance
, in Japan, a country with a third of the population
being old, they serve as the custodians of Japanese customs and language,
and ensure that these things are passed on to the future generations.
Remove the comma
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Moreover
, the elderly can take mentoring roles, guiding the young population
in various aspects of life, be it personal or professional. Their accumulated experience
makes them great advisors thereby boosting the productivity of the youth, leading to a developed society. As a consequence
, it propels the country toward economic growth. In countries like France, programs have been initiated to match elderly individuals with young students for mentorship, resulting in enhanced social cohesion, personal growth and economic development.
Despite the aforementioned benefits
, it is essential to acknowledge that the elderly demographic does present certain challenges for the government. One of the primary concerns is the strain on healthcare systems. As the elderly require increased medical attention, the government must allocate a significant amount of resources to support this
growing demographic. This
financial burden is particularly evident in developing countries like China, where the escalating percentage of the older population
is leading to debates about the decrease in the country’s national wealth.
In conclusion, despite the challenges in particular
areas of the healthcare system, the wealth of experience
and wisdom offered by the older generation, which enriches society by fostering cultural projection and economic progress has profound and widespread benefits
.Submitted by zky1705202 on
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Task Achievement
To further enhance task achievement, aim to directly address the question's statement more explicitly in both the introduction and the conclusion. This ensures a full-circle understanding for the reader.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a broader range of examples to substantiate your arguments, especially on how the elderly contribute economically beyond mentorship programs. Real-world statistics or studies could solidify this point.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, vary your transitional phrases more to enhance the flow between paragraphs and sentences. While your essay is well structured, a greater variety of transitions could make your argument even more compelling.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully outlines the societal benefits of an ageing population, providing a well-reasoned argument that is supported by appropriate examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, from introduction to conclusion, is clear and effective, facilitating an easy follow-through for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your main points, reinforcing your arguments succinctly and making your stance clear.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
