Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
In contemporary societies, owing to advanced technology, there is an increasing number of illegal copies of
music
on the Internet, causing a
severe danger to the musical Remove the article
apply
industry
and needing prevention. This
essay firmly agrees that illegal music
websites should be prevented on account of the destruction of the value of music
and their adverse influence on economic growth.
It is vital to acknowledge that, paralleling the increase in illegal music
, the meaning of songs or any other music
-related factors will be damaged. In other words
, when music
is readily available for free through illegal sites, it undermines the perceived value of creative content. Furthermore
, more and more people would love downloading or listening to music
that was released illegally with the purpose of relaxation rather than the recognition of the musical talent of composers if music
was available online. For
this
reason, musicians are tired of creating music
due to
the fact that there is no meaning in composing music
for communities, leading to the loss of talented composers and overwhelming songs, and thus
, this
could endanger the entire music
industry
and musical occupations.
Another component worth considering is that neglecting the development of illegal music
online can have a negative impact on the national economy. This
is because consumers may become accustomed to accessing music
without paying for it, making it more challenging for artists to monetize their work through legitimate channels. In addition
, not only do governments lose an immense amount of tax from those who are composers, but there is also
no improvement in government funding based on the tax revenue. As a consequence
, the loss of revenue not only impacts the industry
's ability to invest in new talent, studio equipment, and others,
but the internal economy cannot be properly enhanced as well. Remove the comma
apply
Hence
, it is not difficult to understand why illegal copying of music
can threaten the development and existence of the music
industry
.
Thus
, the diminishing value of music
and the domestic economy's concerns need to be noticed. Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that it is favorable
to prevent and prohibit illegal Change the spelling
favourable
music
sites online to protect the music
industry
effectively.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensuring your introduction states your stance more explicitly could strengthen it. For a higher score, slightly tweak it to give a more distinct preview of your main points.
relevant specific examples
While your main points are well-supported, they could benefit from more specific, concrete examples. Consider including case studies or real-world events that illustrate your points.
complete response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both how illegal music sites harm the industry and why they should be prevented effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You successfully maintain clear, comprehensive ideas throughout the essay, making your argument easy to follow.
logical structure
Your essay is logically structured with well-supported main points. This helps in presenting a coherent argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example