IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Task2: Nowadays, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. In your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by private companies, individuals orgovernment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#research #projects #companies #individuals #orgovernment
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In
this
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 state-of-the-art epoch, medical science plays an essential role in flora and fauna. One school of thought believes that, in
present
Correct article usage
the present
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 medical investigation, projects are funded by private firms. In my perspective, every natural and artificial body,
as well as
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 the government, should carry funds for it, and my reasons are articulated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, medical
research
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 plays a pivotal role in biodiversity, and for that, the government should participate in funding
research
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 projects. As government authorities have the power, they can aid the medical field.
For example
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, surveys show that during the COVID-19 situation, governments helped medical science develop vaccines,
along with
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 other countries. Governments can add tax for medical experiments as they have the power and ,"Governments are by the people for the people and of the people".
On the other hand
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, private companies earn more profit and save some amount for future losses.
Instead
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, private enterprises should donate some amount of money to medical
research
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, which will help the nation.
For example
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, if private corporations earn more than the expected profit, they distribute it to their shareholders as a bonus;
instead
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, they should give
this
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 money to medical
research
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.
Moreover
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, it is an individual's duty to take part in medical funding and show gratitude towards the nation. To recapitulate, in my view, each and every person should fund medical
research
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 projects; it is our responsibility towards the nation to assist.
Submitted by kakshpatel16916 on

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task response
The essay addresses the task quite well, discussing different sources of funding for medical research. However, it could benefit from a clearer statement of opinion at the beginning and a more structured breakdown of the advantages and disadvantages of each funding source.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that transitions are smooth. Some ideas, like the role of individuals in funding, could be more elaborated to improve cohesion.
task response
Provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. This will help in demonstrating critical thinking and real-world application of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and provides a logical progression of ideas, discussing the role of government, private companies, and individuals in funding medical research.
introduction and conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the author's opinion, providing a satisfying closure to the essay.
task response
Good engagement with the topic by considering different stakeholders (government, private companies, and individuals) and their potential roles in funding research.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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