Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some notions,
governments
should prioritize alleviating
pollution
and housing issues in an effort to protect people from diseases. I would contend that tackling problems of environment and housing is a certain way to reduce illnesses,
while
there are some arguments that public
health
is not saved by tackling environmental regulations and respiratory diseases.
To begin
with,
governments
play a crucial role in the healthcare system.
This
is
due to
the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
government policies can significantly impact public
health
by controlling
pollution
levels and ensuring access to healthy living conditions. They can implement various laws in order to restrict citizens litter illegally and make them fascinated by applying policies of
governments
in their living space.
For instance
,
according to
the UN Environment Programme, Finland has adopted policies on major
pollution
sectors. The tiny gaps in implementation, financing, capacity and monitoring mean that
pollution
levels are decreasing and a steady decline in the burden of disease from household
pollution
in
this
country proves evidence.
Therefore
,
governments
have a profound impact on the public
health
system. It must
also
be considered that poor housing conditions can lead to communicable diseases and affect mental
health
.
This
can be acknowledged that inadequate sanitation or lack of clean water may
contain
Verb problem
pose
show examples
many risks for people. Because of that, parliament and
governments
notice to citizens that building more healthcare infrastructure and social welfare is essential.
Besides
that, about the retailing of
housing
Add an article
a housing
the housing
show examples
estate, down payment assistance programmes exist for potential homebuyers. Loosening banking regulations to allow smaller down payments can ease the burden on buyers and help ensure homeownership is more attainable for the middle class. Take Maastricht in the Netherlands
for example
, the local authority creates various opportunities for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
to buy houses and pay for them over the years. In conclusion, focusing on reducing
pollution
and housing issues in order to tackle healthcare problems always shows efficiency in society.
Therefore
, people should follow the laws of
governments
in order to show efficiency.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples, which is good for task achievement. Try to further develop your arguments by adding more detailed examples and evidences to strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments. For further improvement, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details are closely linked to that main idea.
Language
Using a broader range of vocabulary and sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of your essay. While your current usage is adequate, diversifying your language will make your essay sound more sophisticated.
Examples
Good use of examples to support your points, such as the UN Environment Programme and housing policies in Maastricht.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, providing a clear overview and summary of your argument which greatly aids in understanding your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: