IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
show examples
 may be claimed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that the government
ought
Add the word
ought to
show examples
 invest in looking for life on another
planet
,
while
 others,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 believe that the idea of discovering planets is a waste of public
money
whereas
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 there are so many problems worldwide. In my opinion, I consider that states should not spend
money
 on
other
Change the wording
another planet
other planets
show examples
planet
. On the one hand, some
people
 think that public funds must be paid
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 domestic issues and needs
instead
 of galaxy research, and I agree. To put it simply, there are several troubles which have the priority to be solved
such
 as poverty and unemployment
as well as
 homelessness. To illustrate,
this
 category of problems can be resolved by a relevant investment.
For instance
, When the influencer
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
money
 and
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
show examples
 in normal
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 the opportunities will increase and the jobless rate will drop off at the same time
due to
 the
occupations
Change noun form
occupation's
show examples
 creation.
On the other hand
, some
people
 support the opinion that the government must
funds
Wrong verb form
fund
show examples
 studies of discovering a life on another
planet
.
that
Capitalize word
That
show examples
 is to say,
Community`s
Correct article usage
the Community`s
show examples
money
 might be used to figure out a new livable place to live in it.
Thus
, many
people
 are convinced that leaving the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 and
reside
Wrong verb form
residing
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 another
planet
 is possible.
For
this
 reason,they are seeking cash from
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
show examples
.
To sum up
,
while
people
 may vary in their opinion, I believe that
expending
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 a lot of
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 kind of
projects
Fix the agreement mistake
project
show examples
 is unacceptable action.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentence Structure
Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. While your essay contains complex ideas, varying your sentence structure can enhance clarity and readability.
Supporting Examples
To strengthen your argument, consider incorporating more specific examples and evidence. This would not only support your main points but also enhance the persuasive element of your essay.
Grammar and Punctuation
Pay close attention to punctuation and grammatical accuracy to avoid minor errors that can distract from your overall argument.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view before stating your own opinion, which is excellent for task response.
Structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: