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Band 7

SOME PEOPLE SAY IN ORDER TO PREVENT ILLNESS AND DISEASE GOVERNMENTS SHOULD FOCUS ON REDUCING ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION AND HOUSING PROBLEM TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
IN AN EVER-PROGRESSIVE SOCIETY, WHETHER PARLIAMENT DEPARTMENT SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON MITIGATING POLLUTED ENVIRONMENT INCIDENCE AND HOUSEHOLD INCIDENTS TO RESTRICT ALIMENTS. IN LIGHT OF
THIS
, THE AUTHOR STRONGLY ALLEGES THAT THESE STRATEGIES SHOULD BE CARRIED OUT BY THE GOVERNMENTS IN ORDER TO ECONOMY MAINTENANCE AND SUSTAIN LIVING STANDARD, DESPITE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT
SUCH
 A PANDEMIC WILL BE EASILY CONTROLLED. IT IS PIVOTAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT MAINTAINING NATIONAL FINANCE IS CERTAINLY THE MAIN PRIORITY FOR GOVERNMENTS TO TAKE ACTION.
IN OTHER WORDS
, WHEN A DISEASE SPREADS SOCIETY WILL BE FORCED TO TAKE ISOLATED STRATEGIES. AS A NATURAL OUTCOME OF
THIS
, ALL INDUSTRIAL ACTIVITIES WILL BE HALTED, LEADING TO A SEVERE DOWNFALL IN
ECONOMIC
Correct article usage
THE ECONOMIC
show examples
 MAINSTREAM. TAKING THE PLAGUE OR THE BLACK DEATH AS A SIGNIFICANT EXAMPLE, THE PANDEMIC COMPLETELY DESTROY THE EUROPE ECONOMY LEADING TO A DARK AGE OF EUROPEAN FINANCES FOR SEVERAL CENTURIES. SOME PEOPLE,
HOWEVER
, PRESUME THAT EXCESSIVE ATTENTION IN ALLEVIATING ILLNESS INCIDENCE IS ABUNDANT.
THIS
 IS BASED ON A COMMON BELIEF THAT WILL CUTTING-EDGE TECHNOLOGY, PEOPLE CAN EASILY PREDICT AND CALCULATE HOW SERIOUS THAT POTENTIAL DISEASE CAN BE TO CONDUCT SUITABLE TATIC.
THIS
 IS A CREDIBLE POINT, BUT IF HUMANS LOOK BACK AT COVID-19, WE ALL WITNESS HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO DEFINE ITS ORIGINALITY AND TO TAKE DOWN IT EVEN IF THE HUMAN RACE POSSESS STATE-OF-THE-ART MACHINES. ANOTHER SALIENT POINT WORTH CONSIDERING IS THAT AVOIDING DISEASE-SPREADING CIRCUMSTANCES WILL SECURE LIVING QUALITY. TO BE SPECIFIC, AILMENTS SPREADING CAN LEAD TO THE CLOSURES OF VARIOUS SERVICES, INCLUDING SOME VITAL ONES.
AS A RESULT
 OF
THIS
, PEOPLE ARE LOSING THE OPPORTUNITIES TO UTILIZE THEIR BENEFITS
SUCH
 AS HEALTH CARE, FOOD OR EDUCATION. TO EXEMPLIFY
THIS
 STATEMENT, THINK ABOUT COVID-19 ACCIDENT, PLENTY OF CITIES ARE BLOCKED OUT AND THE SPENDING RATE OF DWELLERS DROPPED DOWN HISTORICALLY. TAKING ALL POINTS INTO ACCOUNT, IT IS CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED THAT SUSTAINING COUNTRY FINANCE AND LIVING QUALITY ARE ESSENTIAL POINTS WORTH MENTIONING.
THEREFORE
, PANDEMIC PREVENTION FROM THE GOVERNMENTS WOULD BE A WISE DECISION.
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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Introduction Improvement
Provide a clearer, more balanced introduction, stating both sides of the argument and your position clearly.
Paragraph Structure
Structure your paragraphs more effectively, each focusing on a single main point. This helps with clarity and cohesion.
Linking Words
Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
Tone Consistency
Be cautious with the essay's tone; maintain an academic and formal tone consistent throughout your writing.
Conclusion Strengthening
Consider revisiting your conclusion to reinforce your stance and summarize key arguments more powerfully.
Use of Examples
Your essay is commendable for providing specific examples to support your points, such as the impact of the Plague and COVID-19.
Addressing the Prompt
You have successfully addressed the prompt, providing a clear opinion and supporting it with relevant arguments.
Critical Thinking
Your efforts to link economic consequences with health crises demonstrate an ability to think critically about complex issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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