IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

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The line graph illustrates the number of people per week that visited different clinics of a hospital from the years 2010 to 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, all data had fluctuations but the birth control
clinic
Use synonyms
 had the most patients in the beginning.
However
Linking Words
, it was suppressed by the eye
clinic
Use synonyms
 in the end.
Firstly
Linking Words
, birth control health centres started around 250 and increased to 270 infirm in the
year
Use synonyms
 2012.
Nevertheless
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, it dropped vigorously to 170 one
year
Use synonyms
 later. It ended with about 240 patients. In the same way, the diabetic
clinic
Use synonyms
 had visitors around 60 at the start of the period which is the lowest among the 4 clinics. It increased a little bit to nearly 100 and maintained for the next 2 years.
Conversely
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, it increased significantly to almost 170 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2016. Meanwhile, the dental polyclinic had an initial number of 100 patients which dropped to 50 and
then
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 increased to approximately 130 which managed to maintain to around 140
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period
Lastly
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, the eye
clinic
Use synonyms
 began at around 120 and showed an upward trend till the
year
Use synonyms
 2016. It climbed to 150 one
year
Use synonyms
 later.
In addition
Linking Words
, it continued to grow to 250
then
Linking Words
 stopped at 350 people a week
finally
Linking Words
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words clinic, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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