IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Better driver education for better driving habits is more effective than heavier punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Driving on the road is considered a mitigated performance by a driver. There is a debate about whether it should be imperative to have relevant educational data about how to run rather than applying a big punishment for those who are not driving well. In
this
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 essay, I will partially agree with
this
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 notion and my contention will be
further
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 elaborated. Ostensibly,the statement of having driving classes has its benefits for societies as it relates to proper learning in which a person can come to know about basic skills for learning to drive a vehicle.
For example
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, most driving institutes have well-qualified instructors who can explain in detail about safe driving with proper in-person training and procedures.
Additionally
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, it could encourage people who feel uncomfortable
while
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 driving because it gives good practice which assists them in driving safely
while
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 they are on the road.
As a result
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 ,authorities should
be concentrated
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on these steps rather than punishing driver mistakes.
However
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, there is no notion without its drawbacks,
this
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 trend
also
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 introduces some problematic scenarios for communities.
Firstly
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, the crime rates will be surpassed because of government relief on those who conduct bad behaviour on the road
while
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 driving.
For instance
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 , no doubt the public completes their schooling on ride classes but they
also
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 have adverse habits like drinking alcohol before going outside and consuming other drugs like heroin and smoking and so on.
This
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 kind of behaviour would lead to a concerning situation
as a consequence
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 punishments like fines and custody for a few months should taken into consideration by governments. In conclusion,
although
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 it is a great way to discourage pavement accidents if people have training sessions on it in my opinion it should be crucial to have some restrictions on drivers.

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Sentence Structure
To further improve, focus on diversifying your sentence structures. While your essay is coherent, varying your sentence lengths and structures could enhance readability and engagement.
Specific Examples
Consider incorporating more specific examples and data to bolster your arguments. While your essay includes examples, adding more detailed instances or statistics could reinforce your points and provide a more persuasive argument.
Counterargument Management
Pay attention to managing counterarguments more effectively. You present an opposing viewpoint, but a more detailed exploration of this perspective could strengthen your overall argument by showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively setting up your essay’s argument and summarizing your main points.
Logical Structure
You have logically structured your essay, which helps maintain coherence throughout your writing. The progression from introduction, body paragraphs to conclusion is smooth and logical.
Supported Main Points
The main points are supported with relevant explanations and examples, though there is room for more detailed support. This strength contributes to the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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