IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today's society provides people with various ways to lose weight, such as special diets or exercise regimes. Many people believe though that poor food and today's lifestyle should be addressed first. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#society #people #weight #diets #exercise #regimes #food #lifestyle #first
In the contemporary modern world, people are more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about their
weight
 and part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society believes that
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 method to lose
weight
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 diet and exercise
while
 others think lifestyle changes and
changing
Change the form of the verb
changes
show examples
 in the type of
food
 as the ways to do it. In my conviction, change in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lifestyle and the type of
food
 should be the first thing to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
, in
focus
Add an article
the focus
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the goal of
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight
. First and foremost, eating
balance
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
 healthy
food
 with
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
show examples
 mindset
with
Correct word choice
and with
show examples
free
Add an article
the free
a free
show examples
 body can
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 overweight easily in a healthy manner. What matters related to
food
 is the amount of calories that anybody takes per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day
 and it's not only the frequency ,so if
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
eat
Change the verb form
eats
show examples
vegitables
Correct your spelling
vegetables
 and fruits
instead
 of junk
food
 ,
although
, they eat a lot with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 calories the
weight
gaining
Replace the word
gain
show examples
is less.
Furthermore
,
one
 must have to have a proper metabolism to lose
weight
, human need a relaxed mindset with
a proper sleep
Remove the article
proper sleep
a night of proper sleep
show examples
 to have it.
For example
,
according to
 many
medicle reserches
Correct your spelling
medical research
,
one
 of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
weight
gaining
Replace the word
gain
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metabolic
disordes
Correct your spelling
disorders
disorder
,
hence
, helping
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 proper metabolism with
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 changes will involunarerily help to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight
.
However
, the question
arieses
Correct your spelling
arises
 whether dieting and
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
also
 can reduce the
weight
 of a person or not. When somebody does
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dieting and
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercises
 regularly
theoritically
Correct your spelling
theoretically
theoretical
persons
Change noun form
person's
show examples
weight
 should be reduced with time, but if the person is taking very high caloried
food
 during
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the
day
 with
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 life , the diet and the
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not help to achieve the expected result.
For instance
,
one
 of my friend who runs his own business do the regular
exersises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 with 16
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
fasting
Change preposition
of fasting
show examples
 every
day
, but he is so much addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 he is having sleep just 3-4 hours a
day
 ,
due to
 his
extream
Correct your spelling
extreme
 busy work
shedule
Correct your spelling
schedule
,and he is still finding difficult to reduce his
weight
 by
one
 kilogram.
Hence
,
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 and diet cannot act alone in reducing the
weight
 of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual. In conclusion, people can do
exersices
Correct your spelling
exercises
 and can follow dieting programmes to reduce
the
Change the word
their
show examples
weight
 but if they
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 to eat healthy
low
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
caloried
Correct word choice
low-calorie
show examples
food
 with bad
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
practises
Correct your spelling
practices
show examples
.their
Correct your spelling
their
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
 will go
invain
Correct your spelling
extinct
. As
such
this
 writer is with the firm notion that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important to change poor
food
 choices and bad
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
 to lose
weight
.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure clear paragraphing with distinct ideas in each paragraph. Aim for smoother transitions between sections.
coherence
Use a wider range of linking words to enhance cohesion between ideas.
accuracy
For a higher score, refine the accuracy of your language, including spelling and grammar, while maintaining clarity.
examples
Expand on your examples by being more detailed, specifying how they support your argument.
task response
Your essay addresses the task with a clear opinion and relevant examples.
structure
Introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your discussion.
content
Good attempt at illustrating your point with relevant examples, showing an understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!