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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Successful sports professinals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professinals #money #people #professions
In many countries, it is believed that expert
athletes
' income is much higher than other significant professions.
While
 a lot of people would argue that it is not fair, other individuals are against
this
 argument. I personally think that it is unfair to allocate a high amount of money to
sports
athletes
. On the one hand, some people say that the allocation of more income to
sports
 professionals is totally reasonable
due to
 their valuable achievements. As these professionals have to work hard and spend a high amount of time in order to achieve their goals, their hard work is like a piece of art whose value cannot be measured. It is
also
 true that
sports
 events have become part of culture in many countries.
For example
, in Iran,
sports
 festivals are one of the major parts of Iranian lifestyles and I suppose the effect of
sports
 is not measurable in their lives.
On the other hand
, other people argue that governments should allocate more finance to vital careers
instead
 of
athletes
.
For instance
, teachers have one of the most important responsibilities in all societies as they educate children to behave properly as members of society. In countries with poor education services, the rate of violent crime like murder is extremely high. I believe allocating more money to the education system can decrease these numbers and build a better society to live in. In conclusion,
although
 the importance of popular
athletes
 should be considered , I think that other important careers should receive more income because of their vital role in every society.
Submitted by mohi.rezaiee on

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Example Detail
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed instances or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Grammar Variation
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more complex grammatical forms to make your writing more sophisticated.
Opinion Clarity
Ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to maintain a strong position on the subject.
Structure
Well-structured paragraphs and logical flow of ideas.
Introduction Conclusion
Effective use of introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion.
Balanced Discussion
Good job providing counterarguments to present a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commercial value
  • entertainment aspect
  • revenue
  • advertising
  • merchandising
  • broadcasting rights
  • exceptional talent
  • span of their careers
  • crucial
  • well-being
  • development of society
  • pay disparity
  • societal values
  • financial recognition
  • essential services
  • balanced approach
  • invaluable contributions
  • equitable society
  • distribution of wealth
  • intrinsic value
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