IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Successful sports professinals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professinals #money #people #professions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, it is believed that expert
athletes
Use synonyms
' income is much higher than other significant professions.
While
Linking Words
 a lot of people would argue that it is not fair, other individuals are against
this
Linking Words
 argument. I personally think that it is unfair to allocate a high amount of money to
sports
Use synonyms
athletes
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some people say that the allocation of more income to
sports
Use synonyms
 professionals is totally reasonable
due to
Linking Words
 their valuable achievements. As these professionals have to work hard and spend a high amount of time in order to achieve their goals, their hard work is like a piece of art whose value cannot be measured. It is
also
Linking Words
 true that
sports
Use synonyms
 events have become part of culture in many countries.
For example
Linking Words
, in Iran,
sports
Use synonyms
 festivals are one of the major parts of Iranian lifestyles and I suppose the effect of
sports
Use synonyms
 is not measurable in their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other people argue that governments should allocate more finance to vital careers
instead
Linking Words
 of
athletes
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, teachers have one of the most important responsibilities in all societies as they educate children to behave properly as members of society. In countries with poor education services, the rate of violent crime like murder is extremely high. I believe allocating more money to the education system can decrease these numbers and build a better society to live in. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the importance of popular
athletes
Use synonyms
 should be considered , I think that other important careers should receive more income because of their vital role in every society.
Submitted by mohi.rezaiee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Example Detail
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed instances or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Grammar Variation
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more complex grammatical forms to make your writing more sophisticated.
Opinion Clarity
Ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to maintain a strong position on the subject.
Structure
Well-structured paragraphs and logical flow of ideas.
Introduction Conclusion
Effective use of introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion.
Balanced Discussion
Good job providing counterarguments to present a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commercial value
  • entertainment aspect
  • revenue
  • advertising
  • merchandising
  • broadcasting rights
  • exceptional talent
  • span of their careers
  • crucial
  • well-being
  • development of society
  • pay disparity
  • societal values
  • financial recognition
  • essential services
  • balanced approach
  • invaluable contributions
  • equitable society
  • distribution of wealth
  • intrinsic value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: