Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

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Many people believe that effort and discipline play an important role in achieving

success

in life,

while

others argue that money and appearance are two aspects that significantly influence one's

success

. In

this

essay, I will discuss the advantages and drawbacks of

this

phenomenon and provide my own perspective. On the one hand, there are several reasons why finance and physical attractiveness are perceived as necessary for

success

. Money can facilitate the realization of desires

such

as power and influence.

For instance

individuals

with substantial financial resources have numerous opportunities to advance rapidly in their careers or gain prominence within their communities.

Additionally

, personal appearance is a crucial factor affecting

success

For example

, displaying confident body language can greatly enhance an individual's chances of securing employment.

On the other hand

, it is crucial not to underestimate the importance of hard work and determination, which are vital components of achieving

success

Firstly

, hard work enables

individuals

to gain valuable experience in various life situations.

For instance

, a young student who consistently practices different types of assignments is more likely to minimize the risk of repeating mistakes, thereby increasing their chances of achieving high scores in exams.

Secondly

, willpower provides the motivation to establish goals, which serve as the foundation for

success

Moreover

, it is an essential trait that enables

individuals

to effectively tackle complex challenges in life. In conclusion,

while

money and personal appearance can indeed influence

success

by providing numerous opportunities for advancement, effort and willpower remain dominant factors. These qualities are indispensable skills that guide

individuals

on the journey to

success

Submitted by cathyngo1512 on Tue Apr 23 2024

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Language Use

To further improve your essay, consider diversifying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary. This will not only enhance readability but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of the language.

Supporting Examples

While your essay offers relevant examples, integrating more specific and detailed illustrations can enrich your argument, making it more persuasive and engaging for the reader.

Introduction/Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clearly structured, effectively setting the stage and summarizing your main points.

Task Response

You maintain a good balance between discussing both views and articulating your own opinion, demonstrating an effective task response.

Coherence/Cohesion

The logical flow of your essay and the coherence between paragraphs showcase a strong understanding of essay structure.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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