Some people believe that the world is much less safe today than it used to be. There are still many wars being fought, and high-tech weapons are sold openly to any country that wants to buy them. in cities, violent crime is increasing every year. It is not a very safe world in which to bring up children. Do you agree or disagree? give reasons for your answer.

#people #world #wars #weapons #country #cities #crime #year #children

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this

contemporary epoch, it is believed by a large proportion of individuals that

this

world is not safe because a large number of wars are going on, deadly weapons are still sold and purchased between various nations, and the crime rate has been rising every year. I wholeheartedly agree with

this

matrimonial.

This

essay will delve into the reasons behind

this

scenario and will

subsequently

lead to a logical conclusion.

To begin

with, the primary extrapolation is the increased population of the various countries. There has been a proliferation of

people

residing in the countries but the government is not able to fulfil their necessities and most of them have been observed under the poverty line.

Therefore

, to meet their needs they undergo committing crimes

such

as kidnapping, theft, or even killing

people

for money.

Furthermore

, with the development of high-tech machines relentless number of dangerous weapons are produced with the motive of rendering safety to the natives but

due to

the greed of money, some individuals start smuggling those weapons to other nations' governments as well.

Thus

this

act results in a threat to human lives.

Moreover

, it is quite common to hear from ancestors that the world was immensely safe a few years ago, they were able to walk safely in the streets as

people

were benevolent.

However

, the urge for money is another pivotal reason that has led to

such

disruptive changes around the globe, where a person is not secure even for a single moment. Exacerbation of crime rates has harmful repercussions on children and other

people

as well.

Hence

, the government must take some necessary measures to control the recession and crime rate in their nation to make

this

globe a safer place to live for humans.

To conclude

, as per the statements mentioned above, it is crystal clear that the lives of

people

are not safe just because of the human acts themselves. But, the executives can step ahead to control

this

situation to make a secure place for

people

to live.

Submitted by ss6802125 on Tue Apr 23 2024

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general

You introduced the topic and your viewpoint clearly and concluded your essay effectively, maintaining a good structure throughout the essay.

logical structure

Your essay shows a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, continue to work on making your transitions between ideas even smoother for an even more polished flow.

supported main points

You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which is excellent. Try to include a wider variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your expression and coherence.

introduction conclusion present

Focus on topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will strengthen the cohesion and clarity of your arguments.

complete response

You effectively responded to the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas related to the prompt. To further improve, ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed with balanced development of your arguments.

organization

Your essay is well-organized, making it easy to follow your arguments.

supporting details

You succeeded in providing specific examples that effectively support your viewpoints.

conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points, reinforcing your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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