Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #phones #group #ones

In today's digital age, there has been ongoing debate regarding whether young

people

necessarily need mobile

phones

. Some argue that these devices are not essential for young groups,

while

others consider

phones

as a convenient tool for them. In

this

essay, I will explore both perspectives and present my personal viewpoint. In

this

fast-paced society,

people

gradually focus on their own matters

instead

of caring what happens around them. It is widely agreed that young men and women in

this

generation seem to be more indifferent because of the invention of cell

phones

. One significant disadvantage of mobile

phones

can be addictive. In

this

materialistic society, plenty of software companies aim to share the market of mobile games in order to gain substantial profit.

As a consequence

, those corporations tend to develop games that players must stick on the screen for a long time, which can make tons of money by using gamers' addiction.

On the other hand

, It is believed that young

people

can utilize mobile

phones

to achieve academic purposes. With the widespread availability of the Internet, students can effortlessly obtain knowledge online. What is obvious is that young students can take advantage of technology that using their

phones

combined with the Internet to enhance the efficiency of learning.

Furthermore

, social

also

an important matter for teenagers, and it is essential for children to form a deep bond with their friends or classmates.

Consequently

, cell

phones

can easily allow them to contact each other after school. In conclusion, it is evident that the young group could be addicted to mobile games but there is

also

a range of benefits that mobile

phones

can provide.

Therefore

, it is crucial that parents and teachers should teach young

people

to strike a balance between the manner of using technology.

Submitted by seanlin12345 on Sun Dec 03 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs for a more cohesive argument.

Task Achievement

Expand on the main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to fully address the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that mobile phones are unnecessary for young group while others find that its useful for younger ones. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with a colleague?

In today's societies, young people need more freedom to learn and explore the world on their own. others think that they learn from old people from their experiences and suggestion. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.