IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Young people in wealthy countries often take a 'gap year' between high school and university in order to spend time travelling abroad. This is an excellent way for teenagers to prepare for their future lives. To what extent do you agree with the statement?

#people #countries #gap #year #school #university #time #teenagers #future #lives
It becomes increasingly common for young
people
 in undeveloped countries to take a
year
 off between high school and university. Despite some
reservation
Fix the agreement mistake
reservations
show examples
, I tend to
agreed
Change the verb
agree
show examples
 with the above statement. There are several
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
 of taking a
year
 off to travelling.
The
Correct article usage
First
show examples
first,
international
travel
 can
broadens
Wrong verb form
broaden
show examples
 the mind. If students
travel
 overseas they will
be expose
Change the verb form
be exposed
show examples
 to a variety of different cultures and
this
 experience might
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them in their future studies as they will gain more knowledge of the world and
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
 who inhabit it.
Secondly
, 'backpacking' teaches
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 to become
independenter
Correct your spelling
independent
 adults. Travellers will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to cope with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of new and challenging situations.
Furthermore
, they will have to
used
Change the verb
use
show examples
 their own initiative in order to solve problems rather than relying
to
Change the preposition
on
upon
show examples
 their parents or other adults to assist them.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, there are a number of positive points associated with
this
 issue. In the first place, young
people
 who
takes
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take
show examples
 a
year
 off and
travel
 to strange countries might expose themselves to
dangerous
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dangers
show examples
. At the age of 18 and 19,
people
 may not yet possess the necessary life skills required to survive in a
hostil
Correct your spelling
hostile
hostel
 or challenging overseas environment. They may be taken advantage of by unscrupulous local
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who rely on their lack of experience in order
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 trick them. Another disadvantage is that someone who intends to
travel
 for only a
year
 before
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 university may find it extremely
dificult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to readjust to the structured life of full-time study after a
year
 of exciting foreign adventures. Indeed,
people
 will entirely abandon the idea of returning to
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 studies
thus
 jeopardising their chances of success later in life. In
summarise
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summary
show examples
, there are a number of advantages or disadvantages of taking a
year
 off to
travel
 overseas. All in all,
however
, it seems that the benefit of experiencing a variety of cultures and becoming more self-reliant through travelling outweighed the possible disadvantages.
Submitted by paslonbahagia on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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