IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that modern technology encourages more social behavior. Others say that this leads to lesser sociable behavior. Discuss both views with examples and provide your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ever-increasing use of
technology
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones or tablets.
While
Linking Words
 many claim that technological inclusion incentivizes users to be more socially active, others argue that
this
Linking Words
 can result in a more isolated attitude.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 affects social interaction in a negative way. On the one hand, it appears to some
people
Use synonyms
 that users can engage in social situations better by spending as much time as possible with
technology
Use synonyms
. Proponents believe that individuals can convey their feelings more effectively through written formats
such
Linking Words
 as texting or sending emails, for they can make use of the emojis and stickers available,
thus
Linking Words
 promoting social connections.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a flawed proposition since online attachment doesn’t relate to the feelings when
people
Use synonyms
 communicate face-to-face.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, human beings tend to be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of words when it comes to
expresssing
Correct your spelling
expressing
 their emotions so the more time they spend online, the less flexible they are to keep eye contact.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 can pose a threat to the community’s social skills,
such
Linking Words
 as communication and interpersonal skills. The main reason is they do not understand how they do during the conversation. It would cause nations to give up interacting with each other in real life.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer using electronic products to contact business clients or relatives rather than using the face-to-face method. In conclusion, the changes in
technology
Use synonyms
 are necessary for society because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 affect the way
people
Use synonyms
 interact with each other.
Although
Linking Words
 new
technology
Use synonyms
 just decreases the inconvenience issues in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, it does not solve all of the problems we meet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Balance and Development
Ensure each paragraph is clearly focused on a single main idea. While your essay presents a clear stance, the discussion of each viewpoint could be more balanced by expanding on the reasons behind each perspective.
Linking Words
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This will improve coherence and the reader’s ability to follow your arguments.
Specific Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. Real-life instances or hypothetical scenarios can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Clear Stance
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is good for task achievement.
Essay Structure
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively supports its logical flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: