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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows air pollution levels among four countries in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows air pollution levels among four countries in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#air #pollution #levels #four #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart below indicates the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
air
pollution
Use synonyms
 produced by
Industry
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,
Electricity
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generation
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 and transportation in 2012 in
China
Use synonyms
, America, Japan and Australia. Measurements are by
PPM
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
 has the highest
pollution
Use synonyms
 rate in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 fields
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Australia has the lowest
pollution
Use synonyms
 level in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 fields and has a little bit higher level in
electricity
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
China
Use synonyms
 is on the top with under 60
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
electricity
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
besides
Linking Words
, has the highest level
Use synonyms
pollution
Change preposition
of pollution
show examples
 in transport with 70
PPM
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
 is
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the peak of the chart in
industry
Use synonyms
 with 80
PPM
Use synonyms
. The second position is Amireca with 30
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
Electricity
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
, has less than 60
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in transport and
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 under 30
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
Industry
Use synonyms
. The third
psition
Correct your spelling
position
 in depend
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Japan with over 10
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
Electricity
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
 among 30
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in transport and over 40
PPM
Use synonyms
 in
Industry
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Australia
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom of the chart with
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount
under
Change preposition
of under
show examples
 20
PPM
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in all three fields.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pollution, industry, electricity, generation, china, ppm with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollutants
  • Industrialization
  • Regulations
  • Geographical factors
  • Emissions
  • Air quality
  • Carbon dioxide (CO2)
  • Particulate matter (PM)
  • Nitrogen oxides (NOx)
  • Fossil fuels
  • Renewable energy
  • Sustainable practices
  • Comparative analysis
  • Environmental impact
  • Public health
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