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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days, many university courses are offered through the internet. Some people think that online teaching has more advantages than conventional classroom teaching or lectures, while others claim that there are significant disadvantages. Do the benefits of online teachings outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an ongoing debate over whether online courses are better than offline. Some people claim that online teaching is more comfortable,
while
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 others firmly believe that it's hard to concentrate on
such
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 lessons.
This
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 essay will examine both sides of
this
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 argument and conclude whether the advantages exceed the drawbacks. On the one hand, it is obvious that learning at home provides more comfort rather than sitting in the classroom. Individuals can get up later in the morning and sit on a comfy sofa
while
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 listening to the lectures,
as a result
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, students prefer online lessons more.
For instance
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, recent research has revealed that 80% of students prefer to study online rather than in school.
In addition
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, in classrooms, some desks can be too far away from the teacher making the learning process harder.
Such
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 problems won't arise with online teaching.
On the other hand
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, some accidents can happen which can distract the student from the learning process. I think it is evident that
while
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 you are at home learning is not your main priority. Many individuals would spend their day playing video games and sleeping rather than learning.
Therefore
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, some people tend to skip online classes in order to rest and relax.
For example
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, my close friend Andrew had an online course yesterday, but he didn't attend it because he prioritized his rest. In conclusion, online lessons can help pupils understand the topic without being in the class,
however
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, it should be strictly monitored by supervisors so that none of the pupils will skip the class without a reasonable cause.
Therefore
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, after analyzing both sides of
this
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 debate I conclude that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the question by presenting both sides of the argument. However, you could provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is clear but could be improved with smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' to connect your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are repetitive. Try to vary your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the conclusion, which is very important for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets a good stage for the discussion by outlining the topic and stating that both sides will be examined.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • benefits
  • traditional
  • online
  • courses
  • students
  • learning
  • schedule
  • resources
  • access
  • geographical
  • cost-effective
  • self-paced
  • understanding
  • materials
  • balance
  • responsibilities
  • flexible
  • classroom
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