Some people in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays , people are trying to minimize
the
epidemics , the Correct article usage
apply
head quarter
should concentrate on bringing down Contamination and Correct your spelling
headquarter
the
accommodation issues . Correct article usage
apply
This
author of Correct determiner usage
The
this
essay claim
that they will solve and Change the verb form
claims
paying
attention to these complications .
First of all the environment has a big impact on citizen's health . Take Wrong verb form
pay
an
clear example , everyday people approach the air by their destination regularly . Change the article
a
Besides
that , pollution can make the underlying disease more complicated . The more efforts government
reduce Correct article usage
the government
Correct article usage
apply
the
pollution , the less Correct article usage
apply
resident
get Fix the agreement mistake
residents
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
illness
and issues suffer from . Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
Consequently
, the percentage reason of
causing illness is unhealthy lifestyle , the alimentary and our daily routine are the most effective on how we live .
Another point worth mentioning is that avoiding illness is a way to sustain the demand of supply of the citizens. Specifically, the increment in demands for living conditions in many aspects Change preposition
apply
such
as entertainment or consumption must be paralleled with the supplement sources, if there are not any practical solutions for curing diseases, the unbalance of the demand and supply will leave a detrimental effect on the living circumstance of the citizen. Consequently
, struggling against such
ailments can maintain the harmony between demands and supplies. This
is true in China, the rising proportion of patients has left governments taking action to cope with such
issues in order to prohibit the prospect of lacking supplements for daily use.
In conclusion, the parliament should be involved in mitigating the effects of harmful components that can lead to such
ailments, after which the downfall of the economy and deficit in demand of supply can be neglected. Hence
, this
essay has provided evidence to support the given opinion.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Introduction Clarity
Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the topic and outlines your position. Your introduction currently lacks a direct statement on the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
Idea Development
Work on enhancing the clarity and specificity of your main points. Instead of broad statements, focus on how government action on pollution and housing could specifically impact health.
Paragraph Structure
To improve coherence, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
Supporting Examples
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and relevant to the question.
Language Accuracy
Be mindful of grammar and word choice to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly. Consider revising phrases and structures that could cause confusion.
Task Relevance
Your essay effectively connects environmental and housing issues with public health, which aligns with the task.
Content Coverage
You've managed to cover a variety of relevant points, showing a good effort to respond comprehensively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
