IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government showed focus on reducing enviromental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #government #focus #pollution
It is said that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
showed
Verb problem
paid
show examples
 attention to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the polluted
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and
properties
Change the noun form
property
show examples
problems
 to avoid
disease
 and illness.
This
 writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with the statement that illness and
disease
 can be prevented
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 reducing pollution and housing
problems
due to
 the places people live
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 their
health
 and the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is the
sourse
Correct your spelling
source
 of food and drink for people to consume.
Firstly
, the place you live,
work
Correct word choice
and work
show examples
 in has a big impact on your
health
.
This
 is true
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is the place where you mostly stay in, as it is full of dust, you may have
problems
 with
lungs
Correct pronoun usage
your lungs
show examples
 and breathing.
Similar
Change the word
Similarly
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, if the place you live is wet and filthy, you are likely to be infected by some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 by insects
such
 as mosquitos... .
Thus
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 improves the working and living
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is the right to help you
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prevent
disease
 or any other
health
problems
. Moving to
other point
Change the wording
another point
other points
show examples
 that
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
 considering is that saving the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is saving the food and drink that you consume. It is a fact that all the vegetable, meat, water,... comes from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
,
due to
 that, if the
nature
 or
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is polluted, the
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 that you consume will be
unsafed
Correct your spelling
unsaved
unsafe
safe
 as well.
For instance
, when you litter a plastic bag
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the ocean, the fish thinks it is food
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
eat
Correct subject-verb agreement
eats
show examples
 the bag, that fish may be eaten by many other
fishs
Correct your spelling
fishes
fish
,
however
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
platic
Correct your spelling
plastic
 bag will eventually go into our dishes as we consume
fishs
Correct your spelling
fish
fishes
.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
 is what we consume, so saving
nature
 is the way to save ourselves from illness.
To conclude
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 shows focus on saving
Correct article usage
the enviroment
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and hosing
problems
 is actually helpful for people in order to improve our
health
 and prevent
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disease
 and
illess
Correct your spelling
illness
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
nature
 and house
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 what we rely on.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to improve readability and make your argument more dynamic.
task achievement
Try to more accurately proofread your work to eliminate minor grammatical errors and typos, even though this has not impacted your score, striving for accuracy can enhance the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and effectively. This can enrich your essay and reflect a higher level of English proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Strong logical structure, effectively introducing, discussing, and concluding your viewpoints.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support your points, enhancing the overall persuasiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: