IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

in many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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The widespread adoption of mobile phones as a
payment
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 tool is indeed a significant global trend. Many nations are using mobile
applications
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 to facilitate
people
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 doing transactions only from their screens. It is prompting debates surrounding the benefits and the drawbacks. I lean toward the belief that
this
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 advancement of
payment
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 technology has myriad benefits that far outweigh the potential disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into the reasons and provide my opinion on that matter.
To begin
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 with, the primary key to using
applications
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 mobile for making
payments
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 is the convenience they offer. Banks have served mobile banking to support ease of financial services and most
people
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 already have had it on their smartphones. They can simply tap their phone, open their mobile bank
applications
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, and
then
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 make the
payments
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.
For example
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, in Indonesia,
people
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 can use QRIS, a digital
payment
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 using a scanned QR Code, to make an online
payment
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 by using their phones. The usage of QRIS
also
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 eliminates the need for
people
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 to carry cash by hand or cards which tends to be not practical and it helps simplify making the
payments
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 anywhere and anytime.
Moreover
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, mobile banking
applications
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also
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 support
people
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 to track their daily transactions. It often comes with features like transaction history tracking that
people
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 can access easily on their phones. They can track their daily cash flow, and
payment
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 expenses, and help them to manage their finances more efficiently. Only by opening the history of transactions, they already can get the data they need to do the budgeting and financial planning on their finances.
For instance
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, studies have shown that 75% of Indonesian
people
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 feel helpful by using mobile banking
applications
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 to allocate their source of income and expenses. In conclusion, the usage of mobile banking
payments
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 is rising significantly and has become a trend in many nations. The convenience of making
payments
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 anytime and anywhere, and the features that support
people
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 to track their daily cash flow and manage their money for budgeting and financial planning are reasons why mobile banking
applications
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 are gaining popularity rapidly and become the most chosen
payment
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 tool by
people
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.
This
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 is why I believe mobile
payments
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 have advantages that far outweigh the disadvantages.

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Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea you will discuss in that paragraph. You've done well to structure your essay, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.
Support
Be cautious not to make generalizations without data, however, the examples you've provided, such as QRIS in Indonesia, are specific and bolster your argument effectively. Continue to use such examples to strengthen your points.
Content Depth
For an even higher score, consider contrasting your primary argument by briefly discussing potential disadvantages before explaining why the advantages outweigh them. This will reveal a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your argument, showing a clear understanding of the essay format required.
Examples
You've made excellent use of example to support your arguments, particularly highlighting how mobile payments are beneficial in the context of Indonesia. Such specifics lend credibility to your claims.
Structure
Your arguments are logically structured and well-developed, making it easy for the reader to follow along and understand your points. Your coherence and cohesion are exemplary.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
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