IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Men and women are capable of doing all job equally well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#men #women #job
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Males and females are able to do all work equally well. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. First of all,
women
Use synonyms
 have the same strength as
men
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 have the right to do the same
job
Use synonyms
 as
men
Use synonyms
, equally. Some people can say that
women
Use synonyms
 will not be able to do the work that
men
Use synonyms
 do. Because some jobs require strength that
women
Use synonyms
 do not have. Yes, a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 works
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical strength
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
.  And some
women
Use synonyms
 are not capable of doing
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 or do not want to.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
, 60% of sexes, which is more than half, in works that need physical power are
men
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I think that
this
Linking Words
 does not mean that
women
Use synonyms
 cannot do the same
job
Use synonyms
 as
men
Use synonyms
 equally well. 
Women
Use synonyms
 have the same
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 as
men
Use synonyms
. People think that
women
Use synonyms
 have to sit at home and do housework and dinner, but they do not have to. We live in the 21st century, where we are fighting to solve the equality problem between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
. And we have the term  “feminism,” which means that all genders have equal rights and opportunities. There does not have to be a division of genders. Because both genders are equal.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Norway, there is a law that says, “
Women
Use synonyms
 can do the same
job
Use synonyms
 as
men
Use synonyms
 and have the same amount of salary.” In conclusion, I want to say that
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 are capable of doing all jobs equally well. Because females have the same power as males and equal rights.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, consider including more diverse and specific examples illustrating your points about men and women being equally capable in various jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to add fluency and complexity to your writing, helping to enhance both coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Consider developing your counterarguments more thoroughly, explaining why some may believe men and women have different capabilities, and then refuting these points more comprehensively for a more balanced argument.
positive highlight
Well done on presenting a clear thesis statement and maintaining focus on it throughout your essay, supporting your points effectively within each paragraph.
positive highlight
Excellent use of an example from Norway to support your point about gender equality in the workforce. This specificity helps to strengthen your argument.
positive highlight
Great job on creating a logical flow between your paragraphs using clear topic sentences and transitions, which significantly aids in the reader’s understanding.
introduction conclusion
Strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument.
logical structure
Logical structure with clear, supported main points.
specific examples
Use of specific examples, such as the law in Norway, to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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