IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. what do you think are the cause of this? what solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behaviour
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In
Correct article usage
the contetemporary
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contetemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 era, the majority of schools
suffer
Wrong verb form
have suffered
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 from
the
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apply
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teenagers' inappropriate
behaviour
 for decades. The subsequent paragraphs will explain what factors
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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really affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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juvenile's negative
behaviour
. To commence, the community that plays an important role in kids'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is
parents
. Kids always duplicate the
behaviour
 and the movement that households express permanently.
For instance
,
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
parents
 do not respect each other and others, youngsters will undeniably treat
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 the same way as their guardians.
Additionally
, for busy
parents
 who are busy with their tasks and do not spend enough time for their children to play,
talk
Correct word choice
and talk
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, and not educating them the sense of morality
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 kids to choose
pessimistic
Add an article
the pessimistic
a pessimistic
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 way of life including neglecting their studies, giving up on their dreams, and lack of morality. So
this
 is
way
Add an article
the way
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 the psychologists suggest crowd to spend satisfactory time for their teenagers.
However
, these
issus
Correct your spelling
issues
seems
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seem
show examples
 to have
a
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apply
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less opportunity to be solved,
some
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and some
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measure
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measures
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 can be taken against
the
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apply
show examples
immorality. First off, as I
meantioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 before, dedicating a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 time for them to do what they have always wanted to do with their
parents
 will showcase a positive outcome.
Secondly
, having a good
releationship
Correct your spelling
relationship
 with juveniles and having
a
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an
show examples
 intimate talk with them will help
parents
 to explore their
mind
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minds
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 and give
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
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chance to learn more about them.
To conclude
, the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
behaviour
 issues are caused
due to
 a pessimistic environment and the lack of intention of
parents
.
Submitted by nazim200709 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures for more complexity and accuracy.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on your essay's organization to ensure there's a clear progression of ideas from the introduction through to the conclusion.
General
Review grammar and punctuation to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear thesis statement that outlines the essay's direction.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, identifying causes and suggesting solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good effort in trying to link the cause and effect in student behavior problems.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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