IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has had a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is often argued that youngsters
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been affected a negative impact on their reading and writing skills by using
of
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apply
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technologies
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 for communication. From my perspective, it seems convincing since using mobile phones and computers can lead young adults to have a challenge in
comprehension
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 of words and sentences, and they cannot focus on what they are doing.
To begin
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 with, I accept that using
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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 can
influence
Verb problem
have
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 positive
effects
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 on young adults.
Firstly
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, youngsters can download tools to use for their reading and writing.
This
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 is because cutting-edge
technologies
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 summarise the paragraphs
such
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 as news and articles.
Consequently
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, young
people
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 found it effective to read and to save their time.
For example
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, Chat GPT, which is Artificial intelligence, can check and edit the writing
people
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 make, so that
people
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 apply
this
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 technology
on
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to
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 their writing to save their time.
Also
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, smartphones
makes
Verb problem
allow
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people
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access
Fix the infinitive
to access
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 the Internet anywhere and anytime. It can
make
Verb problem
allow
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people
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easier
Correct word choice
apply
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to access
information
Add an article
the information
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 they need.
And
Correct word choice
Therefore
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therefore
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, utilising
technologies
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 positive
effects
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 on youths.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of computers and smartphones
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 more negative
effects
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 on young adults. First of all, more usage of cutting-edge
technologies
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 makes
people
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 have less
comprehension
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. Young
people
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 tend to read in
hurry
Correct article usage
a hurry
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 and inefficiently. Which can cause
of
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apply
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poor
comprehension
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.
For example
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, in Korea,
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
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 Broadcasting System, called KBS, did
comprehensive
Correct article usage
a comprehensive
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 sentence test
for checking
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to check
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 how smartphones impact
people
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’s
comprehension
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.
In
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As
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, 9 out of 10
people
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 were not able to pass
this
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 test because they
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
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 understand what
questions
Correct article usage
the questions
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 exactly
mean
Wrong verb form
meant
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. It presents
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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struggling to understand
from
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apply
show examples
the writing.
Moreover
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, high
technologies
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 can cause less concentration.
This
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 is because modern
people
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 have a tendency
of switching
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to switch
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 their
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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 quickly, meaning that they cannot stay on the same page for a long time to focus. And
therefore
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,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of high
technologies
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 causes a number of negative
effects
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 on young
people
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.
To conclude
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,
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of high
technologies
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 can lead young
people
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 to face difficulties in their writing and reading since it
cause
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causes
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 disturbing concentration and
reduce
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reduces
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 the ability
of understanding
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to understand
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from
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apply
show examples
the letter.

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Grammar
Make sure to use subject-verb agreement correctly throughout your essay. For example, 'youngsters has been affected' should be 'youngsters have been affected'.
Grammar
Pay attention to verb tense consistency. Ensure you use the appropriate tenses according to the context.
Style
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Mix simple, compound, and complex sentences for better flow.
Coherence
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making your argument more cohesive.
Grammar
Proofread your essay to catch and correct typographical and grammatical errors such as 'smartphones makes people' which should be 'smartphones make people'.
Structure
You presented a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Response
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Content
You provided specific examples to support your points, which helps to strengthen your argument.
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