More and more adults have continued to live with their parents for many years after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this choice outweigh disadvantages?

The number of young adults who do not establish their independence from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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even after they
started
Wrong verb form
start
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working has been increasing. In
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I strongly believe that its benefits far prevail over the drawbacks. The primary reason why I think that it is advantageous to live with their
parents
even after gaining a job for years is that they do not have to consider their financial aspects excessively. If they try to be economically independent from their
parents
just after completing their academic career, they will face the difficulty of making ends meet with their salary.
Conversely
, if they continue to stay with their family, they will be able to lessen their monetary burdens. Another justification for my view is that they will be able to support their
parents
. As their
parents
get older, they usually become more feeble and need more
supports
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support
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. If they live together, they will be able to take care of them more easily. In case that they live apart from each other, it will be difficult for them to contribute to their
parents
.
However
, living with
parents
also
brings some drawbacks. One significant demerit is that it deters them from fostering their independence. As long as they share their household chores and financial budgets, they will not be able to
have
Verb problem
take
show examples
responsibility for themselves, and they are not regarded as an independent person. In conclusion, the advantages of living with their
parents
even after graduating from school and obtaining a job for years
such
as receiving financial funding and bolstering their
parents
far outweigh the drawbacks including the delay of acquiring independence. I will recommend that young adults should not leave their parent's house until they have a new family.
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logical structure
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supported main points
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial benefit
  • supportive network
  • cultural expectations
  • family cohabitation
  • family bonds
  • lack of privacy
  • personal space
  • emotional dependency
  • mental dependency
  • life's pressures
  • inter-generational conflicts
  • lifestyle differences
  • familial relationships
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