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Band 6

You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. In your letter, say: what the conference is about how you know about the conference explain to him/her why it is important that you attend this conference You should write at least 150 words.

#advertisement #business #conference #work #manager #permission
Dear Sir/ Mam, I am writing
this
 letter to seek your permission to attend a conference which is going to
held
Add a missing verb
be held
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 at the Grand Convention Centre on 30th September. Basically, I saw an advert today in the newspaper about
this
 business conference on the topic of green measures and sustainability
along with
 managing
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
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. As you are well aware of the fact that the future lies in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sustainable means which will not only help our company to improve their standard processes but lure more investments
also
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, I got to know that various
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 science speakers from different nations are going to be a part of
this
 meeting. The main reason behind me going
for
Change preposition
to
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this
 conference is the networking which will not only help me but
also
 our company as our procedures will become more
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
.
In addition
, Mr. Ramakrishanan, who is one of the main speakers, is my favourite scientist and
would
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will
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 be giving one-on-one sessions
at the end
 which I don't want to miss. I hope you understand the importance of the situation and
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 allow me to attend
this
 event. Waiting for your response. Yours Sincerely, Jennifer.
Submitted by kaur75971 on

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task response
While your letter effectively addresses all required points, it could benefit from slightly more details about the benefits of attending the conference and how they directly align with the company's goals.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the letter into clearer paragraphs for each main idea to enhance readability. For example, one for the conference details, one for its relevance to the company, and one for conclusions and requests.
task response
The closing statement and overall tone of the letter are very respectful, which is suitable for a professional context.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the letter generally flows well and is easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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