Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether or not

people

Use synonyms

are becoming dependent or independent of each other is a widely debated topic. In the writer's perspective, individuals are more and more independent

due to

Linking Words

the equality provided by independence. It must be understood that independence makes

people

Use synonyms

afraid of each other.

This

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is because humans are concerned about their benefits.

This

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due to

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the fact that they do not want anyone else to gain higher advantages than themselves, which will lead them to the results of competing with

others

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as well as

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fighting for their success.

As a consequence

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people

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are now keen on working independently because they are scared of

others

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, who can easily compete against them.

Thus

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people

Use synonyms

are more and more

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

independent.

However

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, some

people

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think that dependence helps them to enhance their

chance

Fix the agreement mistake

chances

show examples

of success. There is a belief that by depending on each other, the strength of the group will be increased, which means a shorter road to their aims. They are right to a certain extent, but if the lazy depend too much on

others

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, not only they will be useless and can not prepare for themselves, but

also

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affecting badly to the group by decreasing the quality of the products.

This

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writer believes that independence creates equality.

This

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is because

people

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will work with all motivations if only they achieve all the rewards of their work, which means they earn equally for what they do not

doing

Change the verb form

show examples

for other's results. Because of that reason, working independently makes

people

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feel equal if they work alone and

also

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avoid

Correct subject-verb agreement

avoids

show examples

the laziness which is caused by depending on

others

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For example

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, America applies the method of studying alone to their students not only to challenge their skills

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

to make them feel equal. In conclusion,

this

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essay has shown that the main factors which make

people

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become independent are personal benefits and equality. If continuing without changing

this

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trend, individuals will become fully independent in the future.

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic, but it lacks clear support for some points. Make sure to explain your ideas fully and provide more evidence or examples to back them up.

coherence

The structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but the links between ideas could be stronger. Use connecting words to show how your points relate to each other more clearly for better flow.

task achievement

You have provided some examples but they could be more detailed. Try to include more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

329 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalization
technological advancements
collective action
digital evolution
minimal reliance
direct interaction
empowered
access to technology
societal expectations
personal choice
leverage

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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages?

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

Nowadays, human activity has become a threat for fauna and flora. What are the reasons and what can be done to solve it?