Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether or not
people
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are becoming dependent or independent of each other is a widely debated topic. In the writer's perspective, individuals are more and more independent
due to
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the equality provided by independence. It must be understood that independence makes
people
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afraid of each other.
This
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is because humans are concerned about their benefits.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that they do not want anyone else to gain higher advantages than themselves, which will lead them to the results of competing with
others
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as well as
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fighting for their success.
As a consequence
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,
people
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are now keen on working independently because they are scared of
others
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, who can easily compete against them.
Thus
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,
people
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are more and more
being
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apply
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independent.
However
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, some
people
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think that dependence helps them to enhance their
chance
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chances
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of success. There is a belief that by depending on each other, the strength of the group will be increased, which means a shorter road to their aims. They are right to a certain extent, but if the lazy depend too much on
others
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, not only they will be useless and can not prepare for themselves, but
also
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affecting badly to the group by decreasing the quality of the products.
This
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writer believes that independence creates equality.
This
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is because
people
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will work with all motivations if only they achieve all the rewards of their work, which means they earn equally for what they do not
doing
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do
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for other's results. Because of that reason, working independently makes
people
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feel equal if they work alone and
also
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avoid
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avoids
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the laziness which is caused by depending on
others
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.
For example
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, America applies the method of studying alone to their students not only to challenge their skills
,
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apply
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but
also
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to make them feel equal. In conclusion,
this
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essay has shown that the main factors which make
people
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become independent are personal benefits and equality. If continuing without changing
this
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trend, individuals will become fully independent in the future.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but it lacks clear support for some points. Make sure to explain your ideas fully and provide more evidence or examples to back them up.
coherence
The structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but the links between ideas could be stronger. Use connecting words to show how your points relate to each other more clearly for better flow.
task achievement
You have provided some examples but they could be more detailed. Try to include more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
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