IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and citites closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #citites
The
internet
 has revolutionized the way people do their shopping since the day it was invented. Travelling to
stores
 is no longer
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 and waiting in long lines is
also
 something from the past.
However
, because of the large amount of advantages the
internet
 has, many people might not want to physically go to shops anymore. In
this
 essay, I will investigate how severe the impact of the
Internet
 truly is.
Firstly
, it is evident
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the amount of shops closing in remote areas that there is a decline in demand for physical
stores
. Especially in these kind of areas, it often takes a long time to travel. In
this
 case,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
advantages of shopping online simply outweigh the disadvantages.
This
 obviously has a huge impact on the owners of physical
stores
, and the liveliness of small towns.
Secondly
, normal
stores
 do not have the inventory that online ones have. Everything can be seen within a
couple
Add the preposition
couple of
show examples
 clicks and can be easily compared. In normal
stores
,
this
 is not the case at all. Often shopping there involves awkward social interactions, It is simply more convenient to do your shopping from the comfort of your own home, which is another fatal blow
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the survival of real-life marketplaces.
Finally
, the most important factor to consider is cost and time. Inflation has increased exponentially, leading to high fuel prices. Society has worked more hours than ever before to compensate for these costs. Driving to
stores
 costs exorbitant amounts of money and time, giving another advantage to the
Internet
.
To conclude
, real-life
stores
 are
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the brink of an apocalypse
that is
 waiting to happen. The
Internet
 has proven itself to be less time-consuming, costly and more convenient. If nothing changes, it is inevitable that all markets and shops will close.
Submitted by Aga on

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Introduction
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Language Use
Use a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency while ensuring clarity.
Examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Accuracy
Be mindful of spelling and minor grammatical errors, as they can slightly distract the reader.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a cogent argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay logically, with clear progression of ideas.
Conclusion
The conclusion successfully wraps up the argument, reinforcing your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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