Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease , governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days some individuals think environmental
pollution
and housing
problems
should be mitigated by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to avoid illness and disease. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
argue
Replace the word
argument
show examples
because environmental
pollution
including
water
,
air
Correct word choice
and air
show examples
pollution
can
may
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's lives harmfully so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
need to focus more on tackling the solution. It is true to admit that nowadays the
problems
of environmental
pollution
and housing
problems
are
controversy
Replace the word
controversial
show examples
, and it is alarming that
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
of
pollution
appears, the more
potention
Correct your spelling
potential
that
people
may get illness and from that many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
may emerge and affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
health.
Hence
, many efforts of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
toprevent
Correct your spelling
to prevent
the
problems
, they might cut down the
problems
. Take
air
pollution
as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
example, many countries
are considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
that the higher level of
air
pollution
they have, and the data of those
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
reveal that the proportion of
people
who
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
breathing and lungs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
high alarmingly. For that reason, many countries to advert the
problem
may focus on propagating the dwellers not to take advantage of utilizing individual transports to decrease the toxic
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
that they emit
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
air
. It is
also
recognized that
environmantal
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
as
water
pollution
can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's lives, the
water
may be affected by the
water
including the chemical substances which may be dumped
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
the
water
can kill
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marine animals and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's health.
People
who drink
this
water
may get many diseases and
government
need to tackle
this
problem
. In conclusion, tackling the
problem
may be the key to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's lives and health to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illness and disease, from that rise the
Correct your spelling
people's
peole's
Correct your spelling
people's
life
expantancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to provide more varied and complex sentence structures to further enhance the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary specific to the topic to make your essay more engaging and precise.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and grounded in reality.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and maintained a consistent argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: