Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Undoubtably
, a proper network for both Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
train
and other vehicles is one of the biggest Fix the agreement mistake
trains
contribution
to the Change to a plural noun
contributions
countries’
economy. Some people believe Correct your spelling
countries
hat
authorities should invest more in improvements of Correct your spelling
that
railways
that
spending on road system. Correct word choice
than
Although
I agree with this
view, I would argue that development
Correct article usage
the development
on
Change preposition
of
roads
should not be ignored.
On the one hand, every private vehicle uses roads
for many purposes, such
as travelling and daily commuting. In fact, the number of automobiles is playing an ever-increasing role, leading to high repetition erosion on roads
. This
, in turn, increase
the chances of road accidents. To give an example, approximately Change the verb form
increases
one tenth
of the accidents recorded Add a hyphen
one-tenth
in
Change preposition
apply
this
year was
related to Correct subject-verb agreement
were
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
roads
. Thus
, for the safety of the passengers, proper
amount of money Add an article
the proper
a proper
need
to Change the verb form
needs
be spend
to improve road quality.
Change the verb form
be spent
On the other hand
, the quality of the railway is directly linked with the country’s economy. In other words
, carriage over railways
can make a huge contribution financially, because, compared to delivery by automobiles, train has more storage. To endure such
enormous weight, railways
have to be well-made and it
should be inspected and repaired frequently. Correct pronoun usage
they
Furthermore
, due to
high
speed and Correct pronoun usage
its high
large
volume of Add an article
a large
the large
storage
it is far more beneficial Add a comma
storage,
that
regular vehicles. In fact, almost all developed countries have a proper railway system.
In conclusion, it seems to me that fiscal outgoings on Correct word choice
than
railways
is
beneficial. Change the verb form
are
However
, officials should not forget or stop making improvements on roads
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task achievement
You've done a great job of presenting a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of both railways and roads for a country's infrastructure and economy. To further improve, try to ensure that every argument is backed up by a specific example or a piece of evidence. This will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is excellent. To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to clearly show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to expand your vocabulary by using synonyms and more complex expressions. This not only helps avoid repetition but also showcases your language capability to the reader.
task achievement
Effectively presented a balanced viewpoint, considering both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Provided specific examples, like the reference to 'one tenth of the accidents' and the mention of the economic benefits of railways, which strengthens your position.
coherence cohesion
Maintained a clear logical flow throughout the essay, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.