In many countries, young children are looked after by other people while parents go out to work. Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
In many places around the world,
parents
choose to continue their careers while
they find assistants from grandparents or babysitters to take care of their young children
. This
essay agrees that it is a good phenomenon because parents
need salaries to better support their lives, and children
can improve their social skills through communicating with different people.
The main reason it is good for parents
to work is that a consistent family income can improve life quality. This
is because when both parents
have jobs, they have less economic pressure compared with those families with a single member going to work. Moreover
, with a financial foundation, they have more choices for leisure time activities and abilities
to purchase products they like. Fix the agreement mistake
the ability
For example
, the World Health Review reported that in many countries(For example
, in the UK), family with both employed parents
has a lower rate of depression and higher life satisfaction. As a result
, financial stability not only helps alleviate economic pressures,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
enhances family well-being, which contributes to a better life quality.
Another reason is that children
have more opportunities to interact with different adults, improving their social skills. Interacting with people with different personalities and thoughts provides chances for children
to realize that differences between individuals is
a norm, Change the verb form
are
thus
facing various situations more actively. For instance
, in India, children
with
different ages always grow up Change preposition
of
together with
their grandparents while
their parents
out
Add a missing verb
are out
for
working, which provides them numerous opportunities to explain their way of thinking to others and understand others' opinions. Through Change preposition
apply
this
process, they become open-minded, and more confident when expressing ideas than those who rise up with full-time mothers.
In conclusion, this
essay believes that it is a positive case for working parents
to seek others' help to look after their children
because parents
can gain consistent salaries to support family
and Correct pronoun usage
their family
children
's social skills are well developed during this
process.Submitted by cc on
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Examples
Try to include more varied and specific real-world examples to strengthen your arguments.
Development of Ideas
Consider elaborating further on how financial stability directly impacts the well-being of parents and children, providing a clearer linkage.
Language Use
Enhance your essay by diversifying sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly sets up the essay's stance and outlines the main points effectively.
Structure
You have a strong structure with well-articulated paragraphs, each with a clear main idea supported by relevant examples.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates the stance in a concise manner.
Examples
Nice use of an international perspective by mentioning specific examples from the UK and India, which adds depth to your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.