Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organized after school activities . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statemant ?
Freedom can improve
children
's learning better rather than doing organized Use synonyms
activities
after school . In my point of view, Use synonyms
children
must be controlled with every movement until their adult years Use synonyms
although
it can increase some negative impacts.
On the one hand, if Linking Words
children
play freely what they want , they will learn faster rather than expected . Because interesting things are attractive to them and they always try to learn them Use synonyms
although
it takes a lot of time . After that , there is no need to do other Linking Words
activities
to make them busy. Use synonyms
For
Linking Words
this
reason , young teenagers should learn the free Linking Words
activities
they want . Use synonyms
For example
, most people know that if their Linking Words
children
have an interest in musical instruments , they can explore them without their parents' Use synonyms
helpless
. Replace the word
helplessness
Therefore
, organizing Linking Words
this
kind of freedom can play a crucial role in Linking Words
children
's lives.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, they are too young to choose what they want . There are numerous Linking Words
activities
that can affect worse on their life. Because most Use synonyms
children
are addicted to harmful Use synonyms
activities
. Use synonyms
That is
why pupils must be checked by older people. It is the best way to avoid being criminals or wasting time which plays a crucial role in their entire life . Because they will be ruled by their teacher and parents. Linking Words
For example
, pupils want to go to online game clubs with friends after school lessons . It means that they will spend two or three hours at least a day . It will create bad issues with the eyes and Linking Words
also
it has a negative impact on the human brain . After that Linking Words
children
will be unhealthy in their younger times. Use synonyms
Therefore
, every child should be fully booked with Linking Words
activities
after school .
In conclusion , doing free Use synonyms
activities
can improve pupils' skills and teach them how to be independent humans in life Use synonyms
although
there are many impacts which are being controlled by older people .Linking Words
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps set the context and summarizes your argument effectively. However, work on improving the logical structure within the body paragraphs by ensuring each paragraph has a clear, singular focus that logically follows from the previous point.
Task Achievement
Your response covers different aspects of the topic, offering both sides of the argument. To enhance your task achievement, try to expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations to fully develop your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by refining your sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence logically flows into the next. Pay attention to transitional phrases to connect your ideas more coherently.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of freedom in children's activities.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a strong introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.