IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Should secondary schools offer general education or allow students to specialize?

In today’s fast-changing world, different countries adopt various approaches to secondary education.
While
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 some provide a general curriculum that covers a wide range of
subjects
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, others allow
students
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 to specialize in certain fields related to future careers. I believe both approaches are beneficial, and the most suitable option depends on the student’s needs and goals. On the one hand, many secondary school
students
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 are too young to know what they want to do in the future. A broad curriculum gives them the chance to explore multiple fields,
such
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 as science, humanities, and the arts. Exposure to a variety of
subjects
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 helps them discover their interests and talents.
For example
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, a student may not realize they enjoy chemistry until they study it in school. A general education allows
students
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 to make more informed decisions when choosing a career path later in life.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 who already have a strong interest or talent in a specific area may benefit more from a specialized curriculum. Focusing on particular
subjects
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 allows them to deepen their knowledge and develop skills that will be useful in their future professions.
For instance
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, a student who excels in technology may choose to study computer science in depth, which can prepare them for a related career. In conclusion, both general and specialized education have their merits. Schools should provide flexible options that allow
students
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 to either explore various
subjects
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 or concentrate on a specific field, depending on their individual readiness and interests.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear and presents both sides of the argument well. However, you could strengthen your thesis statement to make your position more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is connected smoothly to the next. Using more linking words can help improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or personal experiences to illustrate your points better. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
Task Achievement
You present balanced views on both education approaches, which is a strong point in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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