Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Due to
the development of private education centres individuals contributed it is gaining popularity .
Although
as a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the trend has divided man into two groups where first have been keeping up with an aim that it is extremely important to take an adulation at university,
while
others do not value the qualified education as well first . In
this
essay, I will examine two sides of the situation. Indeed , one of the most essential reasons of being graduated is the fact that for future occupations, the certificate was always and still is a precious document which can provide data about opponent acknowledgement. If staff do not have it , the percentage of hiring will extremely decrease .
However
, one cannot deny
such
factors as financial dependence which are able to involve somebody neither allowing nor paying for the contract.
As a result
, they tend to be graduated in monthly courses .
For example
, my aunt used to be entered into Yale University .If she had enough circumstances to pay for her studies, she would have moved to Great Britain ,
however
, her family was incredible.
Therefore
, if a document is compulsory for us to continue learning way at college ,
such
aspects as financial resources will be able to take us beyond it . Regarding monthly courses , there is
such
an advantage in our price and time management which makes us prefer study
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.In other words, academic centres support individuals in being qualified in short part-time time
while
colleges would invest four years.
In addition
, its cost is totally lower compared to the first way.
For instance
,If I want to be a chef , I can study at «Le cordon bleu» for three years or learn the field from local professionals .
Moreover
, it will not show any damage to my ”cash”.Both , if I am assessed by locals , the document will not be intended for companies.
Thus
,will not admit the fact that reaching schools can not be intended for present industries , abiturients take their
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
as more priority
asspect
Correct your spelling
aspect
In conclusion , by taking both sides into account I consider that
due to
the periods and financial difficulties, people concentrate their attention on reaching centres.
Nevertheless
, the future life the graduation card will provide forces them to meet with
chalenges
Correct your spelling
challenges
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on improving logical flow and clarity in your writing. Use paragraphing to separate ideas and make your argument more coherent.
Task Achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive explanations of your main points. Aim for greater clarity in expressing your ideas.
Task Achievement
You've provided a clear stance on the topic, engaging with both sides of the argument effectively.
Task Achievement
You've made an effort to use examples to support your points, enhancing the essay’s persuasiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: