Some people think that young people should spend more and more of their free time with their families, and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A group of individuals speculate that juveniles should dedicate their
time
to family members. Also
, advise them to reduce the amount of time
amusing outside. Nevertheless
, other people contend that this
approach is fully incorrect. This
essay will discuss whether spending a moment with their families is beneficial for youth or not.
On the one hand, In the contemporary world, there are a lot of teenagers who are involved in outdoor amusement. The exact purpose of that is
they do not find their home or family interesting. That's why they are making some efforts to deal with this
entertainment outside. Nevertheless
, Older people suggest that it has several drawbacks to spending time
with outside amusement instead
of with their families. Actually, it is undeniable that,
spending Remove the comma
apply
time
with family always can be advantageous for youths. The particular reason for that is
family is the single excessively important thing which can absolutely influence children's lives. For instance
, spending more time
with their dad especially
since childhood can significantly increase their understanding skills or their affection towards him more than any other member of the family.
Add the comma(s)
, especially
On the other hand
, it is my opinion that participating in outdoor relaxation is better as it increases one's network and social skills. This
is due to
the fact that these individuals are more opportune to come across various individuals who eventually become friends that could be relevant to the growth of their career, by connecting them to crucial partners. Furthermore
, they are able to interact with numerous people from various aspects of their lives which further
enhances their communication or socialization skills. The best example for this
statement,
is in Baku, a scientist research project reviewed that approximately 60% of employed youngsters got the connections through their friends or acquaintances.
In conclusion, Remove the comma
apply
according to
my perspective, strong bonds, and guidance cannot be adopted by youngsters until they do not spend time
with family.Submitted by nejla.abdullayeva on
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Introduction
Introduce your essay more clearly by stating the discussion points and your opinion right from the start. This helps in setting a clear direction for your essay.
Body Paragraphs Structure
Try to present each viewpoint in separate paragraphs to maintain clarity and coherence.
Examples
Enhance your argument by including more varied and specific examples to support your points.
Transitions
Work on smoother transitions between your points and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the discussed points and clearly restating your opinion for a stronger impact.
Tone
Pay attention to maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using colloquial language or slang.
Task Response
You have attempted to address both views and provided your own opinion, which is a critical component of the task.
Organization
Your essay demonstrates an effort to organize ideas logically, which is commendable.
Examples
You included relevant examples to support your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?