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Band 6.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages ?

#people #risks #lives #risk
Nowadays, everything is moving speedily and you need to take
risks
 in order to boost which means, if you don’t
risks
, not only you may fall behind others, but
also
 you may lose some things that you have
due to
 the economic downturn. It is a necessary evil for people to take
risks
, both
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 career and their private
life
. I agree to some extent with
this
 viewpoint, in
this
 essay I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, taking
risks
 can be so demanding, it seems to me that no one should take
risks
 in their personal and family communication, because originally, taking
risks
 is for profit which as a human, we must not pursue benefit in our personal
lives
. As an example, it can break down your community communication and make you alone because everyone says you are just a profit seeker.
Secondly
,
this
 can cause irreparable damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your professional
lives
 and business. A good example of it would be, suppose you are a merchant or even an employee, if you don’t know how to
risk
Wrong verb form
risks
show examples
 in order to boost, you will definitely go bankrupt,
in other words
, your house could be on the line.
On the other hand
, for improvement in your
life
, especially in your career
life
, you should be a risk taker. It is believed that to get credit and earn more wealth you must take
risks
 and dive into ambition.
For instance
, if you want to have a nice car and a reputable house you need to take
risks
,
otherwise
 you are just living with what you have. All in all, as can be seen from the points in
this
 essay, in my opinion, you should have a balance for taking
risks
 in your professional
lives
 and personal
lives
 and eventually, you need to bear in mind that taking
risks
 has both pros and cons in
life
, but before that, it is better to have a consultation with your relatives.
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Task Response
Clarify your stance more prominently in the introduction to provide a clear thesis statement that reflects your position on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more smoothly and enhance the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the development of points in both sides of the argument more evenly to fully address the prompt.
Task Achievement
Use more precise examples to support your arguments. Specific, real-world examples can strengthen your claims.
Task Response
Good use of an introductory paragraph to set up the discussion topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support points, enhancing the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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