IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child’s #development #subjects #schools
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Art
 leagues are believed to be obligatory in schools, as they promote the
child’s
 growth. I strongly agree with his assertion for several reasons. It must be acknowledged that
art
 classes play a crucial role in developing a
child’s
 creativity. Because of inspiration from numerous masterpieces involved in the
art
 curriculum, the craft education programmer absolutely encourages the students to create their own drawings and paintings.
This
 is the major cause of the development of creativity in recruitment.
Moreover
,
art
 classes
also
 help children to realize their potential and support them in reinforcing and improving it.
Consequently
, professional families have profound impacts on the
child’s
 development and may affect their choice in future including occupation, mental basic, and other personal belongings.
Otherwise
, engaging in artistic activities in schools helps to enhance the study performances of children. Indeed, these activities are able to ease the stress and pressure thoroughly among admissions.
This
also
 leads to the improvement of mood which plays an essential role in encouraging children to gain more interest in other important subjects
such
 as mathematics, physics and chemistry.
As a result
,
art
 activities in school are efficient incentives that influence the
child’s
 study effectiveness by increasing their interest in mainstream subjects. On balance,
although
art
 classes are recreational and quite optional for education programmers, their benefits are still significant to the growth of young students.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that are subjects are compulsory in schools.

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task achievement
The essay is well-structured overall but could benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. Try including instances or case studies where art education had a positive impact on students' development.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-expressed, but there are several grammatical inaccuracies: 'craft education programmer' should be 'craft education programs,' 'profound impacts' can be simplified to 'significant impacts,' and 'mental basic' is unclear (you might mean 'mental well-being' or 'mental health'). Review your writing for grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
The use of coherence and cohesion is generally good, but there are areas for improvement. For example, 'Otherwise' in the second body paragraph is not the best transitional word. Consider using 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore' for better flow. Also, the phrase 'consequently, professional families' is unclear; ensure each topic sentence is clear and direct.
coherence cohesion
Work on your conclusion. While it restates your position, it could be more impactful by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay more thoroughly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting the stage for the rest of the essay.
logical structure
The essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each main idea, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
supported main points
Your emphasis on creativity and stress relief in art classes shows a deep understanding of their benefits for students.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Mental health
  • Cultural awareness
  • Diversity and inclusion
  • Fine motor skills
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Academic performance
  • Artistic engagement
  • Career opportunities
  • Creative fields
  • Graphic design
  • Architecture
  • Game development
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