Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #gap #year #school #university #idea #debate

In many

societies

Add a comma

societies,

show examples

gap years are common for young people who finished

school

and will engage in tertiary courses.

While

many argue that a

break

between educational engagements is valuable for teenagers to reflect on future

careers

and work, some believe

this

is a waste of time. In my view,

take

Wrong verb form

taking

show examples

some time off before going to university can be beneficial for those who need a

break

from study pressures and to figure out what they want to do for their lives. There are some people who

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

that taking a

break

between

school

and university will negatively affect the person’s future because they should focus on their

careers

early in order to progress in life. As an example, some of the most successful business people,

such

as CEOs and

high level

Add a hyphen

high-level

show examples

managers, never stopped studying after finishing

school

and have a collection of diplomas in Masters and Doctorates.

However

, in my opinion, studying continually does not work for every individual, especially when they are young. Finishing

school

can be extremely challenging for many adolescents causing high stress as assessments and responsibilities become more rigid.

Thus

, having a

break

after completing the secondary can be not only favourable for their mental health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

a great opportunity to reflect on future

careers

Moreover

, it is possible for the young to find a job during

this

time, which will support them to pay education fees and

strength

Replace the word

strengthen

show examples

their resumes.

This

happened a lot to millennials,

for example

, who are now changing

careers

after figuring out

what

Correct word choice

that what

show examples

they studied at university is not what they what they wanted for their lives.

Hence

I believe gap years can be valuable for those who choose to take a

break

after completing

school

. In conclusion,

although

some disagree that gap years can be positive, I believe that it can be a great pause and opportunity to reflect on their upcoming career and acquire work experience.

Submitted by betinhaa00 on Sun Jun 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on presenting a clear and balanced structure in your argument. Clearly separate the points for and against gap years to enhance readability.

task achievement

To improve this section, enhance the depth of your explanations and examples. Provide more detailed reasoning behind your opinions to make your argument more convincing.

coherence cohesion

You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.

task achievement

The essay presents multiple viewpoints and comes to a clear conclusion, which is a good approach

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

320 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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