IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #gap #year #school #university #idea #debate
In many
societies
Add a comma
societies,
show examples
 gap years are common for young people who finished
school
 and will engage in tertiary courses.
While
 many argue that a
break
 between educational engagements is valuable for teenagers to reflect on future
careers
 and work, some believe
this
 is a waste of time. In my view,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 some time off before going to university can be beneficial for those who need a
break
 from study pressures and to figure out what they want to do for their lives. There are some people who
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that taking a
break
 between
school
 and university will negatively affect the person’s future because they should focus on their
careers
 early in order to progress in life. As an example, some of the most successful business people,
such
 as CEOs and
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 managers, never stopped studying after finishing
school
 and have a collection of diplomas in Masters and Doctorates.
However
, in my opinion, studying continually does not work for every individual, especially when they are young. Finishing
school
 can be extremely challenging for many adolescents causing high stress as assessments and responsibilities become more rigid.
Thus
, having a
break
 after completing the secondary can be not only favourable for their mental health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 a great opportunity to reflect on future
careers
.
Moreover
, it is possible for the young to find a job during
this
 time, which will support them to pay education fees and
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 their resumes.
This
 happened a lot to millennials,
for example
, who are now changing
careers
 after figuring out
what
Correct word choice
that what
show examples
 they studied at university is not what they what they wanted for their lives.
Hence
 I believe gap years can be valuable for those who choose to take a
break
 after completing
school
. In conclusion,
although
 some disagree that gap years can be positive, I believe that it can be a great pause and opportunity to reflect on their upcoming career and acquire work experience.
Submitted by betinhaa00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on presenting a clear and balanced structure in your argument. Clearly separate the points for and against gap years to enhance readability.
task achievement
To improve this section, enhance the depth of your explanations and examples. Provide more detailed reasoning behind your opinions to make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents multiple viewpoints and comes to a clear conclusion, which is a good approach

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: