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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #life #work #talent #happen #consequences #situation
People
 would live
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 days with love and smiles on their faces when they work with passion.
However
, a lot of them are willing to work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs that they have no interest in to accommodate their needs. In
this
 brief essay, I will cover two possible reasons behind
this
 phenomenon and its consequences in the future. The first reason that leads to
this
 is the increasing price of daily necessities. 50 years ago,
for example
, 100 rupiahs would buy you one cow. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation and economic shifts occur, the same amount of money is worth arguably nothing in the present day.
Whereas
, the price that needs to be paid for daily needs remains relatively constant.
This
 condition would result in more
people
 looking for any jobs they can find to cope with the modern problem. The other cause of
this
 dystopian event is the misleading education
system
. For many years,
people
 have been taught academically to become corporation employees
instead
 of given the lessons to become more creative and start their own businesses. From childhood to adulthood, there are only minimum opportunities for a person to learn how to solve actual life problems like tax payments and personal finance. As the
system
 is still implemented, many parents will tend to teach their children to strive for certain professions like doctors, lawyers, or engineers which are not aligned with children’s dreams most of the time.
To sum up
, many
people
 live a life they don’t want to live
due to
 many reasons. The two reasons that might cause
this
 are the rising values of everyday stuff and the failed education
system
. As the money continues to increase and a change in the
system
 is not propagated, more
people
 will do anything to survive in
this
 world. Unfortunately, happiness seems to be the one thing
that is
 always going to be sacrificed
as a consequence
 of
this
 incident.
Submitted by muhammadrajiefarza on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, and make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed and expanded upon.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the question. Provide a balanced discussion of the reasons and consequences, and support your ideas with specific, relevant examples. Expanding the range of examples provided could enhance this aspect of your response.
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