IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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People
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 would live
the
Change the word
their
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 days with love and smiles on their faces when they work with passion.
However
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, a lot of them are willing to work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs that they have no interest in to accommodate their needs. In
this
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 brief essay, I will cover two possible reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and its consequences in the future. The first reason that leads to
this
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 is the increasing price of daily necessities. 50 years ago,
for example
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, 100 rupiahs would buy you one cow. As
the
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apply
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inflation and economic shifts occur, the same amount of money is worth arguably nothing in the present day.
Whereas
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, the price that needs to be paid for daily needs remains relatively constant.
This
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 condition would result in more
people
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 looking for any jobs they can find to cope with the modern problem. The other cause of
this
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 dystopian event is the misleading education
system
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. For many years,
people
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 have been taught academically to become corporation employees
instead
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 of given the lessons to become more creative and start their own businesses. From childhood to adulthood, there are only minimum opportunities for a person to learn how to solve actual life problems like tax payments and personal finance. As the
system
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 is still implemented, many parents will tend to teach their children to strive for certain professions like doctors, lawyers, or engineers which are not aligned with children’s dreams most of the time.
To sum up
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, many
people
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 live a life they don’t want to live
due to
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 many reasons. The two reasons that might cause
this
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 are the rising values of everyday stuff and the failed education
system
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. As the money continues to increase and a change in the
system
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 is not propagated, more
people
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 will do anything to survive in
this
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 world. Unfortunately, happiness seems to be the one thing
that is
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 always going to be sacrificed
as a consequence
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 of
this
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 incident.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, and make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed and expanded upon.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the question. Provide a balanced discussion of the reasons and consequences, and support your ideas with specific, relevant examples. Expanding the range of examples provided could enhance this aspect of your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career guidance
  • financial pressures
  • societal expectations
  • familial pressures
  • personal passion
  • job opportunities
  • unfulfilling work
  • fear of change
  • stable employment
  • career satisfaction
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