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Band 6.5

Some people think that visiting museums is the best way for children to learn history, while many others think there are several better ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #museums #children #history
Museum tours become one of the
methods
 for
children
 to
gain
 an understanding of
history
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some people think that there are other better ways to acquire
knowledge
 of
history
;
however
, I believe exploring museums is the best
way
 for youngsters to study historical
events
. Museums provide their visitors with real archives by showing historical relics of past
events
,
furthermore
 exploring museums for
children
 has several advantages including; a fun
way
 to
gain
knowledge
 of
history
 by seeing the real representation of past
events
. Research found that visual and physical
methods
 of learning enhance
children
's memory, so they can have a better memory to remember what they learned.
Besides
, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters prefer to learn
history
 by visiting rather than learning formally in class.
Furthermore
, seeing evidence of historical archives induced curiosity in
children
 to know more about past
events
.
For instance
, the Louvre Museum in France provides the
history
 of France's Kingdom. One of the other ways to learn about historical
events
 is through giving lectures in class.
This
 is one of the traditional
methods
 and many of the scholars are not interested in
this
way
 since it can be boring to only hear from the lecturer.
On the other hand
, a
way
 to
gain
knowledge
 of
history
 is through films. Historical films show visual representations of real
events
,
for example
, the Dunkirk film shows historical
events
 from the World War,
although
 some people are not into historical type of movies. In many cases, some of the historical movies do not provide real schemes of
history
 since they usually add more scenes or drama to make them better movies. In conclusion, I believe that youngsters can easily
gain
knowledge
 and remember more about historical
events
 by going to the museum rather than other
methods
such
 as in-class lectures or through films.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. This allows for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Inclusion of more specific examples or real-life instances could enrich your argument and provide clearer illustration of your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to present your standpoint clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good logical structure, with clear paragraphs dedicated to exploring different viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear, personal stance on the issue, which is consistent throughout the text.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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