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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that visiting museums is the best way for children to learn history, while many others think there are several better ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #museums #children #history
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Museum tours become one of the
methods
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 for
children
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 to
gain
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 an understanding of
history
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,
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while
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apply
show examples
some people think that there are other better ways to acquire
knowledge
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 of
history
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;
however
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, I believe exploring museums is the best
way
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 for youngsters to study historical
events
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. Museums provide their visitors with real archives by showing historical relics of past
events
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,
furthermore
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 exploring museums for
children
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 has several advantages including; a fun
way
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 to
gain
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knowledge
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 of
history
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 by seeing the real representation of past
events
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. Research found that visual and physical
methods
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 of learning enhance
children
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's memory, so they can have a better memory to remember what they learned.
Besides
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, numerous
of
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apply
show examples
youngsters prefer to learn
history
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 by visiting rather than learning formally in class.
Furthermore
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, seeing evidence of historical archives induced curiosity in
children
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 to know more about past
events
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.
For instance
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, the Louvre Museum in France provides the
history
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 of France's Kingdom. One of the other ways to learn about historical
events
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 is through giving lectures in class.
This
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 is one of the traditional
methods
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 and many of the scholars are not interested in
this
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way
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 since it can be boring to only hear from the lecturer.
On the other hand
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, a
way
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 to
gain
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knowledge
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 of
history
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 is through films. Historical films show visual representations of real
events
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,
for example
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, the Dunkirk film shows historical
events
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 from the World War,
although
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 some people are not into historical type of movies. In many cases, some of the historical movies do not provide real schemes of
history
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 since they usually add more scenes or drama to make them better movies. In conclusion, I believe that youngsters can easily
gain
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knowledge
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 and remember more about historical
events
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 by going to the museum rather than other
methods
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such
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 as in-class lectures or through films.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. This allows for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Inclusion of more specific examples or real-life instances could enrich your argument and provide clearer illustration of your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to present your standpoint clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good logical structure, with clear paragraphs dedicated to exploring different viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear, personal stance on the issue, which is consistent throughout the text.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • artifact
  • interactive exhibits
  • educational programs
  • tangible experiences
  • historical sites
  • digital media
  • educational videos
  • narrative
  • immersive learning
  • storytelling techniques
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