All the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peoples. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #peoples #situation #outweight

this

era, the population is increasing all over the world

which

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

younger are higher than

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

. In

this

essay,

Change the capitalization

show examples

will discuss about pros and cons of

this

topic in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, these days young adults run the house in their family. To explain, they are more enthusiastic and energetic as compared to older

due to

which they can work for long hours.

In addition

due to

the advancement of technology, they adapt

this

easily and help in life to make it more convenient.

In contrast

elders

are resisting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

change, still using old methods.

Therefore

, it is beneficial for society that they

have more

Verb problem

are

show examples

younger than older.

On the other hand

, people see the

elders

the

Correct article usage

show examples

burden on society because they are dependent on food, housing and clothes.

However

, they have enough knowledge about the past which they got from their ancestors.

Moreover

, they have numerous

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

life,

due

Correct word choice

and due

show examples

this

fact, they can make any decision quickly and usually

correct

Change the word

correctly

show examples

during which they can teach their children about the past history and cultural values and it helps to unite the community.

Thus

elders

are the pillars of the new generation. In conclusion, young adults adapt to things if they change but

elders

are not, but older have a lot of experience which they can apply to life and teach their children as well how to tackle problems. In my opinion, there are more disadvantages than advantages that there are fewer

elders

Submitted by AP on Sat Apr 27 2024

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Task Achievement

Start your essay with a clearer introduction that directly addresses the question. Clearly state if you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. This makes your argument more convincing and detailed.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.

Task Achievement & Coherence & Cohesion

Make sure your conclusion summarizes your main points and clearly states your position regarding the advantages and disadvantages.

General Language Use

Pay attention to consistent and accurate verb tenses throughout your essay to maintain clarity.

Content Understanding

Effectively discussed the roles of young adults and elders in society, showing an understanding of the topic.

Logical Structure

Used a clear structure with separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, making your essay easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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All the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peoples. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages are of space tourism

The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important, and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays public transport prices are constantly increasing. Why do you think it is happening? How can this problem be solved?

Directors and leaders of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better to have young people as a leader. To what extent do you agree or disagree?