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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

#plans #show #park #first
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The maps outline the changes that took place in a municipal green called Grange Park from 1920 to today.
Overall
, the domain amendmented and renovated most of the areas that visitors had visited for decades.
For example
, a theatre, a cafe, etc. In detail, the common was assembled and opened in 1920 on Arnold Avenue. It is entertainment facilities have been upgraded since
then
.
However
, some sites linger untouched,
such
 as Eldon Street, entrance and rose garden.
Besides
, the fountain has been removed in favour of a rose plot with ample setting procedures around it. To the left of the new patch, the previous stage for musicians has been turned into a much larger amphitheatre facing the opposite direction that will allow for concerts in the estate.
This
 change has necessitated the exclusion of both seatings on the far left side
as well as
 the rose garden in the bottom left corner of the map.
Moreover
, the pond for water plants was removed from the right-top part of the patch and a children's play area was introduced in the right-top of the ground, and near
this
 area, a cafe was constructed.
Instead
 of the pond, a water feature has been built occupying the bottom right corner. Interestingly, the number of rose gardens was reduced to two.
In addition
, an underground car park was built in the lower right corner of the green.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Introduce your essay with a clearer overview of the main changes for better engagement.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a logical order when describing the changes to help readers follow your description more easily.
coherence cohesion
Include a brief conclusion to summarise the main developments and provide a clear end to your essay.
task achievement
You provided a detailed account of the changes in the park, which helps in task achievement.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples to illustrate the changes, strengthening your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your efforts to describe the transformation of specific areas in the park are acknowledged, enhancing the essay's descriptive quality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
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