Many people today spend most of their free time at home watching TV series or movies instead of going out. Do You think this is right or wrong ?
There is no doubt nowadays most
people
are spending a lot of time
watching television
because of this
reason people
are gradually losing their interest in outdoor activities. I believe that this
trend has a negative effect on human being's physical and mental health
. In this
essay, further
I will discuss some examples of how this
practice is wrong for the current and next generation.
To begin
with , Watching series
or television
at home is enjoyable and informative but spending too much time
on screen is not good for health
whether it is mental or physical. As a result
,an individual can suffer from diseases such
as bone and skin disease due to
lack of exercise and less exposure to the sun. For example
, a study revealed that spending more on screen is a cause of stress and anxiety. Apart from
this
,series
are more time
-consuming because of this
sometimes people
can not concentrate on their major tasks as a result
there is a lack in office work productivity.
Secondly
, If people
are not going out and prefer to watch series
throughout the day at home then
this
routine will also
affect their personal relations and social life. Both are very important for a human being to achieve success in life. Even though we are the first teachers of our kids , then
our children will also
spend more time
on television
which is harmful to their future goals.
To conclude
, I would say that watching series
or television
at home is good but it should not affect our other activities such
as physical health
,mental health
and personal relation. we should set our time
for screen and other activities as well.Submitted by preetiaug25 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic and addresses several relevant points. However, there are areas where your arguments could be better developed with more specific examples and details. For instance, when you mention stress and anxiety caused by excessive screen time, providing more specific studies or statistics would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are logically structured, some connections between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and linking words would enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Additionally, avoid repetition and aim to vary your sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide several relevant points that support your argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your stance on the issue is clear, and you have presented your ideas comprehensively, which makes your essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.