IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What types of changes are occuring? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

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In an ever-progressive society, there are some changes in family status and domestic role division
due to
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 the alternation in social ideology.
This
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 tendency encourages
women
Use synonyms
 to become more independent, outweighing the drawbacks of harmony. First and foremost, the emphasis on gender equality provides rise to
parrental
Correct your spelling
parallel
 working patterns. With the rise of feminism,
women
Use synonyms
 were encouraged to learn, work and achieve their own upshot in their fields.
Instead
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, the stereotype that men earn money and
women
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 give birth,
manage
Correct word choice
and manage
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 the housework has been reversed, and
women
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’s responsibilities are no longer limited to housework but can contribute to many senior positions
such
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 as manager, government officials and even the president.
Therefore
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, men can do housework and take care of their children, or they can hire a housekeeper to focus on their own business. On top of that, the suppression of patriarchy encourages the dignity of
women
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. In the past, men were considered the head of the family with full control over their
wife
Fix the agreement mistake
wives
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 and children. With feminist ideology, the
initially
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 inferior status of
women
Use synonyms
 is valued, and their opinions are responded to in the family, they can join in the family’s decision.
According to
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 psychological research, mutual acceptance and understanding are top priorities in teenagers’ cognition and development, especially female
adolescence
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adolescents
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.
Therefore
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, more equal family status gives
women
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 more
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
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 in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
, critical thinking, and social abilities.
To conclude
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, gender role diversity and the emphasis on the female stand stimulate society’s development.
Hence
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, that has helped
women
Use synonyms
 and children have the courage to develop themselves.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear view expressing both the changes in family roles and your perspective towards these changes. Aim to provide more varied examples and perhaps statistics or studies to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain clarity with paragraphing, seamlessly connecting your ideas. You showed a considerable grasp of this with a well-structured response, but ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next with clear topic sentences could enhance coherence.
Language
Integrate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas, especially concerning gender roles and societal changes, to demonstrate a greater command of the language.
Introduction/Conclusion
Addresses the topic thoroughly with a clear introduction and conclusion, discussing changes in family structures and roles.
Examples
Good utilization of examples to illustrate points on gender roles and equality.
Analysis
Your analysis of the impact of these changes on society and individuals is insightful, showing depth in your reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Family structure
  • Modern family
  • Extended family
  • Nuclear family
  • Same-sex parent families
  • Breadwinner
  • Caregiving responsibilities
  • Family dynamics
  • Globalization
  • Economic shifts
  • Migration
  • Child-free lifestyles
  • Cohabitation
  • Traditional marriage
  • Perceptions
  • Homemaker
  • Communication
  • Shared activities
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