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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful in a specific field. What are the reasons for this? Is it negative or positive?

#parents #pressure #children #field
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Despite having good intentions, (mostly) mothers are likely to force their kids to get a major they do not want to.
This
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 might be
due to
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parents
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' own willings and perspective of the world,
however
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, in most cases,
this
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 leads to negative effects: dissatisfaction for both elderlies and their younger and lower salary as a cause of lack of interest in a field. All people wish their children the best conditions, but unfortunately, some of them forget that their wishes might differ from the human beings, they gave birth to.
Parents
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 think that they have a better understanding of the world,
therefore
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 they do not want their precious ones to make any mistakes and get hurt. The most obvious example is the Asian stereotype that all
parents
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 want to raise a doctor in the family.
Although
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 guardians might prevent some mistakes, in fact, it is common to accidentally hurt their kids by themselves by choosing how children should live and make decisions. Choosing someone's major definitely makes one's life much harder, since they are, commonly, not interested in the subject at all.
This
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 leads to both mental and physical health suffering conditions like stress, depression, apathy, headaches, eating and sleep disorders, and even heart attacks.
Moreover
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, because the fact that these grown workers are not interested in the subject, they will earn less, and their
parents
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 will be disappointed in them, leading to conflicts and arguments, making all family members suffer and hate each other.
To conclude
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, even though
parents
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 want a better life for their youngsters, they and their daughters or sons might suffer from the choice their guardians made.
Submitted by zakirova7ez3 on

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Content Balance
Try not to generalize 'mothers' as the primary influencers in pressuring children; it's important to maintain a balanced and inclusive perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay and clearly show the relationship between ideas.
Supporting Details
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. This can help to make your essay more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Structure
Work on constructing a clearer introduction and conclusion to help frame your essay and summarize your main points effectively.
Content Development
Consider exploring both sides of the argument (negative and positive effects) to provide a balanced discussion and fulfill the task response more thoroughly.
Topic Understanding
You've shown a good understanding of the topic and addressed the main question directly.
Position Clarity
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which is good for task achievement.
Relevance
The attempt to cover the negative aspects of parental pressure is commendable and relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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