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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

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Some
people
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 argue that
film
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 industries nowadays contain high
levels
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 of
violence
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 which can cause serious problems in society. A
film
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 that contains a lot of violent scenes would be imitated by
people
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 and inspire them to do bad things.
However
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, it can be mitigated by having strict policies for filmmakers to give attention to what problems could possibly happen.
Firstly
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, the dominant violent scene in a movie will influence society by doing negative things.
This
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 happens to
people
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 nowadays, especially adolescents who are still mentally unstable which can influence them to do something wrong
such
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 as riots, fights, and bullying.
Therefore
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, the Government should create a policy where the filmmakers need to put warnings for
movies
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 that they produce which contain high
levels
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 of
violence
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.
For instance
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, there was a case of public
violence
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 that had been influenced by a
film
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 titled “Joker” where a man randomly hurt anybody with knives.
On the other hand
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,
by
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apply
show examples
including high
levels
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 of violent scenes,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make it more interesting for a
film
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 to watch. Action
movies
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 are most interesting to anyone who loves to watch
movies
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 because they consist of many scenes that can bring much emotion to the audience.
However
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, these emotions sometimes lead to negative effects , especially on mental health
such
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 as psycho, and bipolar.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should be aware of the effects that could happen
where
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when
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 it
inspired
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is inspired
show examples
 by watching
movies
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 , especially the negative effects.
For instance
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, a movie called “Dahmer” was inspired by a man who loves to watch thriller
movies
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 and it affected his mental. In conclusion, watching
movies
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 that contain high
levels
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 of
violence
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 sometimes is so delightful with the emotions that come from it.
However
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, it is necessary for
people
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 to understand what the effect will come to themselves , especially for the negative effect.

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Introduction Improvement
Ensure a clear, distinct thesis statement is present in your introduction to guide the reader through your argument.
Cohesion Enhancement
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
Detail and Analysis Expansion
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed analysis on how these lead to societal issues, adding depth to your argument.
Sentence Variety
Consider using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and fluency.
Task Response
You've effectively addressed the task by identifying societal problems caused by violence in films and suggesting solutions.
Logical Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear progression from introduction, to body paragraphs, to conclusion.
Use of Examples
Providing specific movie examples (e.g., "Joker", "Dahmer") helps to anchor your arguments in tangible instances, making your points more persuasive.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
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