In some parts of the world tradition festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing and what measures could be taken to counter this situation?

The rise of the modern and digital era all over the
world
has taken over the spotlight,
while
traditional values were put aside. As time goes by, local values and traditions slowly disappear since there are not many youngest
generations
who put much interest in keeping their traditional occasions as they were passed down through
generations
before. I have to agree with the statement that traditional occasions are slowly disappearing and are threatened with extinction. Seeing how there are so many of today's
generations
who have a lack interest in protecting their ancient traditions, we should keep our heads up if there is one day when we can no longer see some of the old traditional
festivals
or
celebrations
in all parts of the
world
. Tradition
events
have been playing a role in identity and uniqueness in every part of the
world
for many decades, which might be regrettable if the next several
generations
could not see them as part of the beauty of the
world
. In some Asian countries, they are facing
this
serious problem of the die down of traditional
festivals
many modern people nowadays would rather choose simpler
celebrations
compared to complex detailed
events
. Today's
generations
are being served by so many choices that could follow any of their preference, including choices that might not be in line with their local traditions.
This
leads to opening up
generations
' majority perceptions that they do have more efficient and cost-saving choices rather than spending more for their cultural
events
, and surely
this
thing might affect the disappearance of local authentic In a real
world
that is
now enveloped with the virtual one, somehow
this
is connected to nowadays generation's interests that are way more engaging than the real
world
they had. As an example of that situation, in several villages, younger
generations
are more into their gadgets than they are willing to follow their parents to the rice fields doing an old-school job. The exact same thing applies
also
in keeping traditional
festivals
and
celebrations
alive.
As a result
, cultural traditional
events
should be enwrapped by modern or most recent ideas for engaging youth
generations
to participate
also
in an attempt to preserve traditional
festivals
and
celebrations
. To accomplish
this
idea, performing the fusion of tradition and technology together would be a very great solution to
this
decoupled youth
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
and cultural tradition.
This
won't bring the values of the local culture any less, yet it will engage youth
generations
more.
Submitted by gjr0903 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, consider incorporating more specific examples and detailed evidence to support your claims about traditional festivals and their importance. This will make your argument more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetitions and work on varying your sentence structures to create a more engaging and dynamic essay.
Task Achievement
Consider concluding your essay with a stronger and more distinct conclusion that summarizes your main points and provides a clear viewpoint on the measures needed to counter the situation.
Logical structure
You have a good grasp on structuring your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The essay shows a strong understanding of the issue and presents relevant arguments regarding the disappearance of traditional festivals.
Supported Main Points
You successfully connect modern challenges with traditional values, showing the complexity of the issue.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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