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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some parts of the world tradition festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing and what measures could be taken to counter this situation?

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The rise of the modern and digital era all over the
world
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 has taken over the spotlight,
while
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 traditional values were put aside. As time goes by, local values and traditions slowly disappear since there are not many youngest
generations
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 who put much interest in keeping their traditional occasions as they were passed down through
generations
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 before. I have to agree with the statement that traditional occasions are slowly disappearing and are threatened with extinction. Seeing how there are so many of today's
generations
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 who have a lack interest in protecting their ancient traditions, we should keep our heads up if there is one day when we can no longer see some of the old traditional
festivals
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 or
celebrations
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 in all parts of the
world
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. Tradition
events
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 have been playing a role in identity and uniqueness in every part of the
world
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 for many decades, which might be regrettable if the next several
generations
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 could not see them as part of the beauty of the
world
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. In some Asian countries, they are facing
this
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 serious problem of the die down of traditional
festivals
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 many modern people nowadays would rather choose simpler
celebrations
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 compared to complex detailed
events
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. Today's
generations
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 are being served by so many choices that could follow any of their preference, including choices that might not be in line with their local traditions.
This
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 leads to opening up
generations
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' majority perceptions that they do have more efficient and cost-saving choices rather than spending more for their cultural
events
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, and surely
this
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 thing might affect the disappearance of local authentic In a real
world
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that is
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 now enveloped with the virtual one, somehow
this
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 is connected to nowadays generation's interests that are way more engaging than the real
world
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 they had. As an example of that situation, in several villages, younger
generations
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 are more into their gadgets than they are willing to follow their parents to the rice fields doing an old-school job. The exact same thing applies
also
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 in keeping traditional
festivals
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 and
celebrations
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 alive.
As a result
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, cultural traditional
events
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 should be enwrapped by modern or most recent ideas for engaging youth
generations
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 to participate
also
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 in an attempt to preserve traditional
festivals
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 and
celebrations
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. To accomplish
this
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 idea, performing the fusion of tradition and technology together would be a very great solution to
this
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 decoupled youth
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generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
 and cultural tradition.
This
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 won't bring the values of the local culture any less, yet it will engage youth
generations
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 more.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, consider incorporating more specific examples and detailed evidence to support your claims about traditional festivals and their importance. This will make your argument more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetitions and work on varying your sentence structures to create a more engaging and dynamic essay.
Task Achievement
Consider concluding your essay with a stronger and more distinct conclusion that summarizes your main points and provides a clear viewpoint on the measures needed to counter the situation.
Logical structure
You have a good grasp on structuring your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The essay shows a strong understanding of the issue and presents relevant arguments regarding the disappearance of traditional festivals.
Supported Main Points
You successfully connect modern challenges with traditional values, showing the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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