IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

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In the contemporary era, a majority of beverage companies put unhealthy amounts of
sugar
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 into their products.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
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 are subjected to consuming excess amounts of sugary
drinks
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. It is my contention that the sweetness of
drinks
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 is the chief culprit that makes
people
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 addicted and some contrary measures can be taken into account to discourage
people
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. First and foremost, everyone indulges in the appealing taste of
sugar
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 which pumps up the endorphin amount in the human body. I think
this
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 feeling of contentment plays a key role for individuals to over-consume these
drinks
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. To cite an example, Coke is the most consumed sweetened beverage in the world, owing to its
sugar
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-rich content. Another reason would be the other constituting ingredients in those
drinks
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 that crave more of the sugary products.
For example
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, once you drink a sugary soft drink at a particular time in the day, the very next day
this
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 intention will be recalled intrinsically
due to
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 addictive ingredients.
Moreover
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, in order to address
people
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's addiction towards
drinks
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 with rich
sugar
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 content, demoralizing advertisements should be spread across cities to raise awareness about the perils of
this
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 silent death.
Sugar
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 is one of the most destructive products to the human body since it exacerbates diabetes and the condition of heart arteries. The following measure is to rigorously regulate
sugar
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 volumes involved in
drinks
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 with the help of government organizations.
For instance
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, in Azerbaijan, the government placed a law that hinders manufacturers from exceeding certain
sugar
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 limits, punishing the ones who attempt to disregard these norms. In conclusion, despite the amount of
sugar
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 in soft
drinks
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 being on a continuous rise, some mitigation efforts can be implemented by pertaining power-houses to oversee future demerits.

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Task Achievement
Task Achievement: Ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed with expanded ideas and examples. While your essay touches on reasons and solutions, deeper analysis or more varied examples could strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: To enhance logical flow, use more varied linking phrases and ensure paragraphs transition smoothly. Consider starting paragraphs with clear topic sentences that summarize the paragraph's main point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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